Ask Dr. Mac

Extrinsic motivators

Greg Giesen — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 02:03:58 +0000

Why do extrinsic motivators tend to lose their motivating properties in the long term? -Ethan

Hey Ethan.

You need to be listening to my weekly radio show so you can get some of this information on a regular basis. Go to www.leadingfromwithin.net. This coming Monday we have a productivity expert on that you’ll really like.

All research shows that motivation has to ultimately come from within the person. Extrinsic motivators might temporarily motivate someone but they don’t get you up in the morning with a sense of excitement. People need to feel that what they are doing matters; that they have a purpose in their life. That is what ultimately motivates people, not an office with a window or a 6% raise. Those things might indicate that we are doing a good job but they fall short in helping us assess whether or not we are making a difference in the world.

Dr. Mac

Immature co-worker

Greg Giesen — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 00:30:26 +0000

Hello! Thank you for this opportunity; I feel I’m at my wits end.

I’ve been at my job for 3 years now; I’m a custome service rep. There are 4 people in the dept including myself. One has been with the co. over 10 years and the other 2 were hired about a year ago. One of the newer reps is in her early 20’s and very immature. I recently injured myself at work and was out on comp for a few months. Upon returning this girl has been doing anything and everything to get under my skin. While I was out she took office equipment from my cubicle. Now every time she uses the equipment she makes comments in the “haha I took it” fashion. This, at first, was just funny; now it’s annoying. If I’m speaking with the senior rep she has to speak to her immediately after always insinuating that while I was gone they became best friends and no one likes me any more. Which is the complete opposite. She never stops talking or making noise So that everyone knows she’s in the room. Even when the rest of us are quietly working at our desks. This is one of the biggest annoyances. If someon is leaving fo the day and they are saying goodbye to me, before they can finish, she interupts with (as loud as possible) “bye Joe! Have a great night Joe! See you tomorrow!” so they basically get distracted And their attention is on her.

The biggest annoyance and newest as well is: she will wait until I’m completely engrossed in a project, multi-tasking 3 or 4 things, to take an extended break. When this happens I have to drop everything I’m doing to take a call. Don’t get me wrong, calls are a part of my job and I have no problem answering them, but she isn’t stepping away to do something work related. She’s chatting it up with the boys in the warehouse or making a personal call. It’s annoying because if I’m not busy and just doing data entry or “busy” work she will make it a point to take every call or input every order so it looks like I’m not doing my job well or the dept doesn’t need me.

I’ve tried to just ignore it as immature and her issue, but when I become overwhelmed and can’t complete tasks because she wants to flirt with the warehouse guys; it gets really frustrating. I don’t want to go to my boss fo 2 reasons: 1. I’m not a tattler and 2. She is favored by him.

Any advic would be great. Thanks again!

Sara

Hi Sara.

You are escalating the tension between the two of without knowing for a fact whether these assumptions you are making regarding your coworker are correct or not. That’s a bad habit to get caught up in.

The only actions of your coworker that you need to concern yourself with are those actions which impede your ability to get your work done. All other behaviors of hers are really nothing for you to concern yourself with. In many ways, you are creating your own stress. I know, not what you wanted to hear.

Sara, if this woman is doing something which is creating hardship on you in getting work done, then you need to address it with her directly (before going to your boss). All you have to do is ask for what you need and avoid making judgments or accusations. If, for example, you need her help when you are dealing with multiple projects at once, ask her before she goes on break if she could cut the break short and help you and then you’ll cover for her later in the day so she can get her full break. In this case, you are focusing on what you need more of or less of from her and letting go of the judgments about how long her breaks are or how she is spending her breaks.

One more thing: Let go of this need to analyze your coworker and her motives. That doesn’t help you or her. If she is the type to play games and manipulate, let her get caught in her own game. She’ll eventually step on her own toes. But that’s about her, not you.

Be the ideal employee and focus on your work.

-Dr. Mac

We don’t “click” at work

Greg Giesen — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 12:56:39 +0000

I’ve been thinking about your book, Ask Dr. Mac, and wanting to re-read it now as I am beginning to plant roots at my new company. I have been really struggling with one of my colleagues. Shes the only one I work with directly and technically we should be working together, but I find her 1) retarded and under-qualified and 2) uncooperative and sneaky. I haven’t said that to her face…yet. Jokes aside, I have been really focusing on changing my perception of her and only thinking positive thoughts about her and trying to ask her opinion on my work, and gain her trust. But its been a real challenge. Any tips?
-Kate

Hey Kate.

Good to hear from you.

Regarding your co-worker, there are probably a few steps (what I call working relationship levels) that can be attained (over time) together with her. Step 1 is knowing exactly what you need from her in order to do your job effectively. These are essentially non-negotiable since your job depends on getting these things from her; and I’m talking about tangibles like a report, weekly stats, or other kind of information. The non-tangibles come in to play at step 2.

So the question to you is, what tangibles do you need from her each week and are you getting them in a timely fashion? If not, your initial focus needs to be on getting those tangibles met. Hence, your conversation (albeit diplomatic) would need to be around asking for what you need, why you need it, and how much you’d appreciate getting it in a timely fashion…followed with a “and what I can do to help you would be…” (or something to that effect).

Once you have the critical functions of your job being met (in regards to what you need from this coworker), you can then move to the relationship part (Step 2). I’ll wait to go there until I know from you if that would be helpful.

Step 3 would probably be collaborative efforts that produce win-wins for both of you.

Let me know if you’ve already reached Step 1 or when you reach it so that we can talk about Step 2.

-Dr. Mac

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Nasty coworkers

admin — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 15:43:58 +0000

My work life has been made miserable by one (maybe more) nasty coworkers who are “telling tales out of school.” Some exaggerated partial-truths that would fit 90% of the Corporate cubies (like me) and some bald-faced lies. What can I do? I have no idea why they treat me like this unless it’s just to get ahead. I used to get great feedback; my last feedback was appalling and my morale is plummeting. -Laurel

Hi Laurel.

You do have options.

Option 1) Confront the person(s) who is spreading these stories about you. The key is to not be vindictive in your approach but more inquisitive. Ask, out of curiosity, if they may have passed on information about you to another coworker. If they own up to it, provide them with the correct information (while being nice), and encourage them to seek you out next time to get the complete story before passing on information about you. If they deny passing on information about you, let them know that you’d appreciate that they come talk to you, should they ever hear a rumor about you. Let them know that you will do the same for them.

Option 2) Ask the person who is primarily responsible for passing on the rumor if everything is okay between the two of you? When they ask why, let them know that you’ve heard second-hand that they passed on some information about you that wasn’t correct and that you just wanted to clear up any misconceptions and make sure there wasn’t a problem between the two of you.

Options 1 & 2 also send the message that you will assert yourself and confront coworkers when rumors are being spread about you. This should make them think twice about participating in this activity in the future since most people don’t like to be confronted.

Option 3) Make sure that your behavior and actions around the office are not contributing to the rumor mill. In other words, are you bringing some of this on yourself? Are you doing anything to make yourself unlikable? If so, make some changes so that you blend in better. If you are innocent of any wrongdoing, then try the other options presented here.

Option 4) Ask your supervisor to facilitate a meeting between you and the coworker who is doing most of the gossiping about you. I’d suggest trying the other options before going to this one, however. You always want to try to address a problem yourself first. With that said, it is your supervisor’s responsibility to monitor how his/her department functions and works together. Since the gossiping is hurting the department and bringing down morale, he/she needs to address it one way or another.

You can always seek out your supervisor for coaching on how to address this problem. I don’t mean dump the problem on their desk and ask them to solve it. I mean get advice and handle it yourself. Your supervisor may know what the problem is already.

Option 5) Turn the other cheek. In other words, let your work speak for itself and hope that they eventually pick on someone else. You are less of a target if your work is perceived as valuable. Is it?

Option 6) If the problem still exist after trying the options above, then you may want to consider leaving or transferring out of the department. This is an option you don’t want to use unless nothing else works.

Laurel, if your coworkers were to talk with me about what the problem is, what would they say? Are there two sides to this story or are you just being picked on because you are an easy target?

Let me know what happens.

-Dr. Mac
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Incompetent Peer

admin — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 21:00:21 +0000

Dr. Mac,

Over the last two years, I’ve had to deal with an incompetent co-worker. Initially the co-worker started as a student, with a very arrogant attitude. The majority of the sub-supervisors all felt that the worker, after 90 days trial period, would have been dismissed due to incompetence, laziness, and repetitive questions about how to do certain tasks. However management did not dismiss the worker stating that the ” light will eventually come on and to give the worker more time” This caused more stress, as myself and others had to finish the assigned tasks for her, and fix the mistakes. This again was address to management, but no intervention was done.

Tension started to rise. Any other time if another worker had displayed the same traits as the person mention, he/she would have been dismissed. Due to tension mounting, management advised me to seek anger management. I have had 3 sessions so far. Have tried to cope with this co-worker with various stress tools advised by the therapist, but the co-worker is still “getting under my skin”. To make matters even more frustrating, management told the co-worker that I had gone to anger management. What is my next step? -Marilyn

Hi Marilyn.

What I’m not sure about is why you are taking on this problem? This incompetent employee will eventually shoot himself/herself in the foot, and management will be left with no other option but to let him/her go.

It was inappropriate for “management” to announce you went to anger management. That’s something you could consult with HR over, if you choose to pursue it.

My suggestion, separate of the “anger management” issue above, would be to have a heart-to-heart with your immediate supervisor about the situation. Let him/her know how much time you are spending on correcting errors and how much that is costing the company and taking you away from effectively doing your job. Bring a suggestion or two on what could be done to help this employee get up to speed (now you are seen as part of the solution instead of the problem) as well. You never want to just complain without a solution.

The main thing right now is to “release” trying to judge or control what happens to this other employee. You need to start worrying about yourself and keeping your job. In other words, start demonstrating the traits of an employee that is grateful to have work and that wants to help others…as in being a “team player.” Right now you are not really doing that, in my opinion. And now that the “anger management” is documented in your record, you are on thin ice. So a shift on your part is required and it’s required now.

Be the model employee for a while. It will save your job.

-Dr. Mac
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Olympics…so what!

admin — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 18:29:04 +0000

Hi Dr. Mac,

I am currently working at a hotel in Vancouver, during the olympics, as a server at the restaurant. Two weeks before we got our olympic schedule, I have announced to my boss that I wouldn’t be able to work during the 18th of feb until the 23rd due to a family emergency. He then allows me however asks me to bring in my passport to show him the stamps to prove it. I feel it very weird and unprofessional. Am I wrong? Is he doing something unethical? or something he’s not suppose to be doing? If yes do I talk to our HR about this? -Lisa

Hi Lisa.

I’m guessing that your boss is a little disappointed that you chose to leave during the biggest event in Vancouver in centuries. A sudden emergency is one thing, but a planned time off to handle a family issue shows a little insensitivity to the business and the community. Since you asked in advanced for a series of days off, it appears to be a planned event. When you use the word “emergency” and yet block out days in advance for that emergency, it really does call into question your definition of what an emergency is. It also questions your dedication to the job and you’re ability to see the importance of the historical event of what is going on in Vancouver. Do you see that at all?

Since I am not an attorney, I cannot tell you legally if he has the right to ask for verification of travel documents, however, what I can tell you is that there is a trust issue going on here and that is what’s driving his actions. You certainly can talk with HR confidentially about this, but I think the bigger issue is to re-establish the trust with your boss, especially if you plan to continue working there.

My advice would be to have a heart-to-heart with your boss about both your request for time off and his response. Let him know how you felt about his comments. I would also be prepared to talk about the “family emergency” itself (at least a little) in order to help him understand why it is an “emergency” and why it needs to be addressed “now” instead of after the Olympics.

Lisa, unless this “family emergency” was an unforeseen crisis that just happened (which it doesn’t appear to be since you asked for days off well in advance), you didn’t do yourself any favors by choosing to leave during the Olympics. I want to support you here, but honestly, it would raise a red flag for me as well.

How can you resolve conflict without communicating?

admin — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 16:33:00 +0000

Hi Dr. Mac!

How do you resolve a conflict when the other party refuses to talk about it? My husband shuts down whenever there is strife between us and it’s driving me crazy.
-Mary Kay

Hi Mary Kay.

It sounds like there needs to be some negotiation around how the two of you address and resolve conflict. Remember that there are two components to conflict. There is the “what,” (the conflicting issue itself), and there is the “how,” (the way you behave/communicate about the issue). By improving the “how”, you’ll instantly improve the “what”. Unfortunately, the reserve is not always true.

With that said, my advice would be to talk with your husband about “how” you do conflict together, using the following three points to guide your conversation:

a) Identify what a successful conflict resolution process would look like between the two of you. After hearing his version and sharing yours, find a common definition that works for both of you.

b) Identify all the factors/dynamics that can prevent the two of you from achieving successful conflict resolution. Be sure to avoid the blame game or finger pointing. The goal is simply to identify the challenges that can get in the way. And finally,

c) Identify what you can do together to get past any of the resistance identified in “b” so that your focus and efforts all go towards achieving what you both deemed was a successful conflict resolution goal/process (identified in “a”).

Mary Kay, this doesn’t have to be a formal conversation literally using the points I’ve identified. Just make sure that you both agree on what an effective conflict discussion looks like and what you can do to make that happen.

Lastly, your husband may be an introvert who prefers to think through the conflict in his mind before speaking with you. If that is the case, part of compromising on your end may be to give him a grace period to collect his thoughts. However, part of his compromise will be to “then” speak with you. You can’t have one without the other.

-Dr. Mac

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I published a controversal article

admin — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 04:33:40 +0000

I’m an editor at a newspaper. I’ve just edited and published a controversial article, which was attacked by nationalistic people in my country. Although it is impossible to know how many there are, lots of negative comments have appeared on the web.

My editor-in-chief is backing me, and I believe we have a strong case to make. Even if we may receive formal complaints, we are confident we can argue and defend our position.

However, another editor in my newspaper apparently wants to use this chance to discredit me.

He sent me two emails asking questions and arguing that I should have done things differently. He said my newspaper may have lost prestige because of me. So far I did reply to every mail he sent me.

Now I feel fed up. But I don’t want to lose the temper. What should I say politely if he still wants to “interrogate” me like this?

FYI, he is currently based in another area. That’s why we communicated via emails.

-Jason

Hi Jason.

Is your editor-in-chief also the other editor’s boss? If so, he/she needs to be aware of the undiplomatic approach that the other editor has used with you. There is no excuse for a co-worker to jump all over another co-worker like that.

If your editor-in-chief is not the other editor’s boss, then your best approach is to acknowledge the points that the other editor has made and to thank him for his feedback. Let him know that you also struggled with publishing the article but that, in the end, you and your “editor-in-chief” thought the debate the article would create was important.

Jay, regardless of who is or is not the other editor’s boss, you want to follow the suggestions on how to respond to him above for a couple of reasons: 1) This guy wants to argue with you and if you immediately acknowledge his point (which doesn’t mean agreeing with it), you essentially take away anything for him to keep attacking. Hence, his anger will fade pretty quickly. If you were to argue with him instead, you’d only feed the fire, so to speak. And 2) You always want to maintain your professionalism, especially when it comes to co-workers. Editors who treat other coworkers with disdain and judgment don’t last long, partially because they end up pissing everyone off. Sorry for the profanity but I wanted to make a point. Stay supportive of this guy and let him sink himself. He’s on a short rope.

-Dr. Mac
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But does he like me?

admin — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 18:48:05 +0000

Hi I like my co-worker. I have been working with him for about 2 months now. Every now and then he shows interests such as staring at me, talking to me on the side-lines. Although, the other day when I was talking to him about my horrible date with his friend, he told me he has a girlfriend. Should I try to pursue him? Do you think I have a chance or is it mere infatuation and one sided. He hasn’t told me that he likes me or complements me on anything like the others but my gut instincts says that he likes me and is too shy because I have dated his friend and he has a girlfriend. I plan on quitting my job because I have to focus all of my time in college. Although, I do not want to because I will miss being with him. Being with him at work makes me happy, all I think about is him. Since he is the only one holding me back from quitting my job… should I quit my job and focus all of my time and effort in college or should I stay in my job and continue staring at him even though nothing happens between us? I seriously need your help.. I feel like I am blinded by my feelings. Also, he asked me once why I do not want to get into relationships and I told him that it is because I have to focus on my studies.. but really the truth is I havn’t found the right guy and I feel like he is the right guy though, and he told me that I should live life to the fullest and be so up tight.. I seriously I do not know what to do. help! -Ann

Hi Ann and thanks for writing.

I’ll cut right to the chase. Yes, stick with your plan of pursuing your studies as a number one priority. You never want to let something so important take a back seat to something that is “iffy” at best, especially when it comes to infatuation with someone who is already dating someone else. From a logical standpoint, this is a no-brainer. And yes, I get that from an emotional standpoint, it is a little more grey.

Here’s another angle for you. Why can’t you still email, call, and stay in touch with this guy after you leave? I don’t see you losing an opportunity with him by leaving. In fact, you may be gaining an opportunity. For example, let’s just say that he dropped his girlfriend for you while you were still working with him. As nice as that sounds, dating a coworker brings on a whole new set of complications. Jealousy increases as each of you start noticing and watching each others’ actions with other coworkers; the two of you become the center for gossip amongst other coworkers, especially when you get into a fight, and some people may even begin to distrust you, assuming that what they tell you in confidence will automatically go right to him. My point is, you are ultimately bettering your chances for a relationship with this guy by not working with him.

Lastly, be careful about moving in on someone else’s guy. Stay in touch with him and focus on a friendship for now and leave it at that. If you actively pursue him while he is dating someone else, that may not be the best impression you want to bestow upon him right now…at least if you think he is a quality individual. Now, if you are just looking for a short-term fling, then maybe it doesn’t matter. If you are looking for Mr. Right, then you need to be Ms. Right, and that means letting his relationship with his girlfriend play out without any interference from you.

Hope that helps a bit.

-Dr. Mac

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Micromanaging or just forgetful?

admin — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 15:49:39 +0000

Hi Dr. Mac!

In the past couple months, one of the directors has escalated his micromanagement. He’s questioning everything down to the smallest detail three or four times. He’s taken to rewritting all documents. He stops people in halls to give them direction, which is always slightly different than the direction he gave the last guy. My project has stalled for 2 months because he keeps changing scope. He’s driving us nuts and costing the company money. He’s been coached on micromanaging by his direct reports without any change. Yesterday, he repeated direction he had given before as if it was brand new and I had an ah-ha moment. Could this jerk have memory problems and these are all coping mechanisms? How do we deal with that? How do we know for sure? Or would the same tactics for a micromanager work for memory problems? And what would those be? Any suggestions would be appreciated! Sam

Hi Sam,

I’d suggest to initially bring it up more as a concern (i.e., “are you doing okay?”) and see how he responds. Point out your observation about his recent need to repeat information to you and ask if he’s doing that on purpose to maybe drive home a point or if he simply doesn’t realize he’s doing that. Let him know how it’s making you feel and ask him if there is anything you can do to reassure him that you are on top of things.

What you want to do is see how he responds to the feedback (angry, surprised, apologetic, or defensive). This should give you some information about what’s going on and his level of awareness around this. Should it continues, then you may have to escalate the issue with a more stern and direct discussion with him. But let’s hold off on going there for now and hope your subtle approach works.

Keep me updated.

-Dr. Mac