Ask Dr. Mac

Slander by employer

March 9th, 2010

Doc,

My boss has been sharing my personal and confidential info with patrons in the restaurant he owns. I’ve been dealing with depression due to the death of my husband, and its gotten worse since he began his attack on me. He is telling people I’m committing myself to a psych unit because I have mental issues when in fact its depression. He has been making false statements to them accusing me of being a bad employee, a bad parent, and using drugs in his restaurant, all of which are untrue. He also has said he is doing this to make me quit because he does’nt want to fire me and have to pay unemployment benefits. What are my rights? -Sara

Hi Sara.

Truthfully, your questions are best answered by an employment law attorney. If you don’t know of an attorney, there are sites like allexperts.com that offer legal advice.

What I can tell you is that you need to do the following in the meantime:

1. Directly tell your boss to stop sharing any personal and / or confidential information about you immediately.

2. You will need proof, or at the very least, documentation, of what comments were made and when. Hopefully you’ve written these down. If not, can you may want to write down what you can remember.

3. Are there any witnesses who heard any of these comments? If so, would they be willing to come forward with that information if needed?

4. Are you the only employee being talked about or are there others that your boss is inappropriately gossiping about? Are you the only female working at the restaurant…in other words, are you being picked on because you are a woman or possibly because you are in another protected class?

Sara, while you look into your options further, be sure to be professional at work and don’t give your boss or anyone else any reason to point out that you are part of the problem. In other words, don’t give them anything that they can use against you, should this come to some kind of legal hearing.

It is unfortunate that your boss is demonstrating these kind of behaviors. Is your boss the owner of the restaurant? If not, you can also request a meeting with the owner and share your concerns and possible actions you may take? Why not, what do you have to lose?

Also, any attorney will want to know if you took all the possible actions you could to stop this behavior. In other words, was the inappropriate behavior addressed with your boss, either by you or the owner?

Either way, let me know what you end up doing. I wish I could have helped more but legal questions are best answered by legal experts.

-Dr. Mac

Posted in Problems with a Manager | No Comments »

They don’t know how to manage!

March 3rd, 2010

Hello Dr. Mac,

I need your help and I need it fast. Let me explain the situation.

I’m a college student who works part-time for a governmental centre for young people. We’re a small team of 14 people, plus the Team Leader.

A couple of months ago, the Team Leader was promoted to an interim higher position, and therefore needed a new Team Leader. Before leaving, he appointed the 2 full-time “project managers” having the most experience to each assume the Team Leader role for a month at a time each. To this day, one of them was team leader for 2 months, and the other one is up for a 3rd month.

Let me tell you there is no comparison between the real Team Leader we initially had and the new interim team leaders.

Most of my coworkers and I are not agreeing with most of their actions and ways of doing things. Given they are always in the office, we have too much supervision and we get picked on way too often. Sometimes, what they come up with is absolutely ridiculous.

Our initial Team Leader is in touch with our current interim team leaders every week, but he has no idea of what exactly is going on because all he gets is their feedback, not ours.

We are no longer satisfied with our jobs. And we want to do something about it! Yet we do not know what to do. Can you help?

-Abigail

Hi Abigail.

Once a full-time replacement is hired for the Team Leader position, your problem should resolve itself, assuming it is not one of these two clowns, right?

With that said, I see three options:

1) As a group, ask for a staff meeting to talk about creating a win-win working relationship between the acting team leaders and the front-line employees. At that meeting, discuss what you, the front-line employees, need “more of” from the team leaders in order to do your job better. By focusing on the “more of” you keep the conversation on the constructive side as opposed to complaining about what’s “not working.” Why does this matter? Because if you want these pseudo-team leaders to listen and to want to make improvements, you cannot come at them with criticism. That would only force their hand to squish you even more. In return, ask the team leaders what they need “more of” from you (the front-liners) and agree to do just that.

2) You could get word to the former Team Leader that a revolt is about to happen and ask him/her to intervene. This would lead to a meeting described in #1 above. But it would get everyone’s attention. The disadvantage with this option is it is a power play on your end, since you are calling in the big cheese. Your team leaders may not trust you for a while after the intervention ends. Maybe that doesn’t matter.

3) Do nothing and wait it out. The disadvantage is you won’t know how long to wait it out and one of these acting team leads could end up becoming the team leader. Yikes. Then, you’ll already have established a dysfunctional work pattern with this person. Not good.

Abigail, I’d go with #1 above. If you don’t feel safe with the two team leaders, then go to #2.

There are also people like me who come into organizations to help facilitate my first suggestion. We are viewed as neutral, making it easier to trust. I guess that’s another option.

Hope this helped a little.

-Dr. Mac
upgrade window 98 to window 2000 Adobe Cs4 Production Premium photoshop free trial;
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Lynda.com Reason 4 Essential Training Dvd acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Rosetta Stone Version 3 Russian Level 1, 2 3 Set For Mac Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Jetbrains Intellij Idea 7.0.1 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Intuit Quicken Home Business 2007 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Acronis Migrate Easy Deluxe V1.0.0.43 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Quarkxpress 8.02 For Mac upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Norton Systemworks 2009 Premier Edition V12.0.0.52 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Propellerheads Reason 4 For Mac Os X Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Microsoft Encarta Reference Library 2009 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Roxio Digitalmedia Studio Deluxe Suite 7.0 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Cakewalk Guitar Tracks Pro 3 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Alias Motionbuilder 6.0 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Riverdeep 3d Home Architect V 5 Deluxe “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Adobe Captivate 4 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Corel Procreate Kpt Effects quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Microsoft Macro Assembler 32 V7.0 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Corel Videostudio X2 Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Microsoft Windows Vista Ultimate “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Ultra Dvd Creator 2.7.0329 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Autodesk Combustion 2008 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Corel Designer Technical Suite X4 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Adobe Acrobat 8.0 Professional For Mac Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Autodesk Autocad Mep 2010 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Corel Xmetal Author 4.0 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Adobe Premiere Pro Cs3 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Swish Max2 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Realviz Imagemodeler 4.02 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Propellerheads Reason 4 For Windows “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Carrara 7 Pro Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Techsmith Snagit 8.2 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Altova Umodel Enterprise 2009 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Remograph Remo 3d 1.4 Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Ms Sql Server 2000 - Full Version “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Visual Basic Decompiler Toolkit JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Macrovision Installshield 2008 Premier Edition sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Adobe Framemaker 9.0 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Rosetta Stone Version 3 Chinese (mandarin) Level 1, 2 3 Set Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Agnitum Outpost Firewall Pro 2009 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Adobe Photoshop Elements 4.0 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Adobe Illustrator Cs2 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Autodesk Autocad Revit Architecture Suite 2009 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Serif Photoplus X2 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Altova Mapforce 2009 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Adobe Creative Suite 3 Master Collection For Win Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Smartdraw 2007 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Rosetta Stone Version 3 Japanese Level 1, 2 3 Set acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Spy Emergency 2009 6.0.195 Ml Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Adobe Photoshop Cs3 Extended “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Scansoft Pdf Converter Professional 4.1 Multilanguage JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Adobe Photoshop Elements 7.0 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Sisoftware Sandra Pro Business Xii Sp1 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Ashampoo Cover Studio 2 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Adobe Photoshop Elements 3 For Mac Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Ableton Live 6.0.9 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Ms Windows Xp Professional With Sp3 X86 Microsoft Office 2003 Professional Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Smartsound Sonicfire Pro 5 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Adobe Indesign Cs V 3.0 Pc CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Ableton Live V8.0.1 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Netojects Fusion 10.0 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Tecplot 360 2008 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Easy Audio Cd Ripper V2.0 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Solid Edge V17 Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Acronis Disk Editor V6.0.360 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Microsoft Windows 7 X64 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Ashampoo Winoptimizer 4 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Avid Newscutter Xp 6.7.2 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Conceptdraw Mindmap Professional 5.0 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Microsoft Visio 2003 Professional Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Deskshare Video Edit Magic 4.42 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Virtual Pc X 7.0 For Mac Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Corel Painter Ix discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Adobe Creative Suite 3 Master Collection For Mac CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Adobe After Effects Cs3 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Corel Rave 2 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Magix Music Maker 15 Premium quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! System Mechanic Professional V5.5 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Native Instruments Absynth 4 Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Adobe Photoshop Lightroom 2 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Daz 3d Bryce 6.1 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Adobe Premiere 2.0 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Google Sketchup Pro 6 For Mac upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Intuit Quicken Home And Business 2009 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Wealth-lab Developer 4.0 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Tuneup Utilities 2010 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Ms Project 2003 Professional - Full Version Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Microsoft Windows Vista Sp2 X64 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Extensis Suitcase For Windows 11.0.1.52 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Adobe Premiere Pro Cs4 Multilanguage “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Adobe Creative Suite 3 Master Collection For Win Microsoft Office 2007 Enterprise Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Activestate Komodo Ide 4.2.0 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Cyberlink Powerdvd 9 Ultra Version acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Microsoft Onenote 2003 Professional Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Altova Stylevision 2009 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″

Posted in Problems with a Manager | No Comments »

Olympics…so what!

February 24th, 2010

Hi Dr. Mac,

I am currently working at a hotel in Vancouver, during the olympics, as a server at the restaurant. Two weeks before we got our olympic schedule, I have announced to my boss that I wouldn’t be able to work during the 18th of feb until the 23rd due to a family emergency. He then allows me however asks me to bring in my passport to show him the stamps to prove it. I feel it very weird and unprofessional. Am I wrong? Is he doing something unethical? or something he’s not suppose to be doing? If yes do I talk to our HR about this? -Lisa

Hi Lisa.

I’m guessing that your boss is a little disappointed that you chose to leave during the biggest event in Vancouver in centuries. A sudden emergency is one thing, but a planned time off to handle a family issue shows a little insensitivity to the business and the community. Since you asked in advanced for a series of days off, it appears to be a planned event. When you use the word “emergency” and yet block out days in advance for that emergency, it really does call into question your definition of what an emergency is. It also questions your dedication to the job and you’re ability to see the importance of the historical event of what is going on in Vancouver. Do you see that at all?

Since I am not an attorney, I cannot tell you legally if he has the right to ask for verification of travel documents, however, what I can tell you is that there is a trust issue going on here and that is what’s driving his actions. You certainly can talk with HR confidentially about this, but I think the bigger issue is to re-establish the trust with your boss, especially if you plan to continue working there.

My advice would be to have a heart-to-heart with your boss about both your request for time off and his response. Let him know how you felt about his comments. I would also be prepared to talk about the “family emergency” itself (at least a little) in order to help him understand why it is an “emergency” and why it needs to be addressed “now” instead of after the Olympics.

Lisa, unless this “family emergency” was an unforeseen crisis that just happened (which it doesn’t appear to be since you asked for days off well in advance), you didn’t do yourself any favors by choosing to leave during the Olympics. I want to support you here, but honestly, it would raise a red flag for me as well.

-Dr. Mac

discount oem software quickbooks Autodesk Architectural Studio 3.0 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Sony Vegas 6.0 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Alias Maya 7.0 Unlimited upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Autodesk Mechanical Desktop 2004 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Cakewalk Rapture V 1.2 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Quark Xpress Passport 7.02 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Phpmaker.5.0 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Crystal Reports Developer Edition 2008 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Adobe Flash Cs4 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Adobe Photoshop Lightroom 1.3 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Mcafee Spamkiller 5.0 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Graphisoft Archicad 12 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Intuit Quicken Premier 2008 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Microsoft Office 2008 Home Student Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Mpsoftware Php Designer 2008 Professional 6.0 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Microsoft Visual Studio 2008 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Symantec Norton Internet Security 2007 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Adobe After Effects 6.5 For Mac upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Mcafee Internet Security 2009 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Poser 7 Pro For Mac Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Corel Painter 11 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Chief Architect X1 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Macromedia Authorware 6.5 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Autodesk 3ds Max 9.0 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Idm Uestudio V06.40 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Roxio Easy Media Creator 8 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Adobe Encore Dvd 2.0 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Avg Internet Security 8.5 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Adobe After Effects 7.0 Standard Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Altova Xmlspy 2008 Enterprise Edition Sp1 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Ulead Photoimpact X3 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Crystal Reports Professional Edition 11 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Stuffit Deluxe 10 For Mac upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Slysoft Anydvd Hd V6.5.7.1 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Adobe Acrobat 9 Pro Extended Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Microsoft Windows Home Server freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Symantec Norton Internet Security 2005 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Sonic Mydvd Deluxe 5.2.3 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Musiclab Rhythmnchords Midi Fx Plug-in For Cakewalk CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Cakewalk Sonar 6 Producer Edition “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Hyperchem 8.03 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Ansys Fluent 6.3 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Avid Xpress Pro 5.7.2 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Rosetta Stone Version 3 Hebrew Level 1, 2 For Mac Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Swift Publisher “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Virtual Cd V6.0.0.5 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Shade Professional 8.5.1 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Serif Photoplus X3 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Mindjet Mindmanager Pro 7.0 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Conceiva Mezzmo 1.1 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Magix Video Pro X freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Intuit Quickbooks 2007 Premier Edition Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Microsoft Windows Vista Ultimate Full Version Oem 64-bit (includes Sp1) discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Adobe Photoshop Cs4 For Mac CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Avanquest Web Easy Pro 7 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp South River Titan Ftp Server Enterprise Edition 6.05 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Pinnacle Studio Ultimate Collection Hd 14 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Fxhome Visionlab Studio Pro 10 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Quarkxpress 7.3 Passport Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Corel Photobook 10.3 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Microsoft Student 2009 With Encarta Premiun JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Autodesk Autocad Electrical 2006 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Crystal Analysis Professional 9.0 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Adobe Pagemaker 7.0.1 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Ashampoo Winoptimizer 6.5 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Portrait Professional Max 6 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Mcafee Total Protection 2009 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Microsoft Sql Server 2005 Developer Edition discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Adobe Photoshop Cs4 Extended CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Allfusion Erwin Data Modeler “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Crystal Reports 10 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Propellerhead Reason 3 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Deckadance 1.14 Club Edition acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Adobe Photoshop Lightroom 1.2 For Mac Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Discreet Combustion 4.0 For Windows “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Corel Wordperfect Office X3 Standard JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Adobe Creative Suite For Mac sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Adobe Creative Suite 3 Design Premium For Win upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Windows Xp Media Center Edition Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Pinnacle Hollywood Fx 5 Pro Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Realize Voice 3.51 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Microsoft Office 2007 Enterprise Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Coreldraw Graphics Suite X3 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Abbyy Finereader 8.0 Professional Multilanguage CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Dvdidle Pro 5.84 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Mac Os X Leopard 10.5.4 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Autodesk 3ds Max Design 2009 Dvd (x86, X64) quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Ms Windows Xp Professional With Sp3 X86 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Slysoft Clonedvd 2.4.3.5 Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Microsoft Office 2008 Special Media Edition “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Visual Basic To Java JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Acronis Privacy Expert Suite 7.0 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Autodesk Inventor Lt X64 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Photoshop Cs3 Premium Learning Suite Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem

Posted in Problems with a Manager | No Comments »

How do you fall out of love?

February 9th, 2010

About six months after I was at my current job, a new supervisor started. I began working with her on a project that I had started working on months before. She’s a couple years younger than I am. I became really attracted to her very quickly. For weeks I just tried to ignore how I feel, but I couldn’t. When we were working together on our project, or even when I was working on something else not with her, or during conference calls, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about her or even looking over toward her. I know that’s so not right.

The feelings were so strong that for a long time I was considering trying to find another position in the same organization or in another organization altogether. It was a shame too, because my past two jobs were difficult workplaces, and I finally found a place where I enjoy working and doing what I do, and that came up. It felt like my heart was jumping out of my body sometimes, the feeling was so strong and so foreign to me.

I was unable to ignore how I felt, and was not sure at all that I wanted to. Yet I couldn’t do anything about it, and I know that. The last thing I wanted to do at the time is jeopardize either of our jobs.

Fast foward a year. By this point I had long fallen in love with her and while I knew that I had to wait until we no longer worked together, my hopes were increasing. Comments made about her still being single (she had only lived in the area six months by this point) only increased those hopes. I had never gotten along with anyone so well before, and the amount she seemed interested in me and remembered little details about me and my family from months before impressed me and suggested maybe she might feel the same.

So of course, this is the part of the story when disaster strikes, right? This story is no different. I knew that two years, after our temporary appointments were over, would be too late. One Monday morning, she shared news with our entire department that she’s engaged. My heart absolutely sunk. But at the same time, it didn’t hit me until months later. I didn’t talk to her for a full week, but gradually I did again, because I honestly had no choice given our positions. It started to hit me a little in August of that year. She was married in September.

Now I still work with her, as I said before. My feelings have not gone away in the least. We still talk constantly, that hasn’t changed, and that only makes things worse. I’ve had the hardest time, and I still can’t accept or even believe that she’s married. When her email address was changed to her new last name in January, it was very painful - I didn’t want to see that name in my inbox all the time. It hasn’t even sunk in yet.

It feels like someone ripped my heart out of my body, threw it into the Grand Canyon, and just for good measure, stomped all over it and ran it through a shredder a million times. I’ve been strong around her, but while talking to her Friday afternoon, my worst fear started to happen - I started falling apart in front of her. I couldn’t look at her, I think she saw some tears, but I can’t control any of it. How we even still get along so well is beyond me.

I need this pain to go away. To my surprise and complete dismay, it has only gotten worse as time goes on. I’ve thought about telling Jen how I felt, of course not wanting or expecting anything to come of it other than hoping that it would take away some of the pain… but that will likely make things worse. I’m pretty much stuck at a dead-end and I just can’t take the pain anymore.

I know I have to move on, but I don’t know how. -Nick

Thanks for writing Nick.

You’ve met a wonderful woman who has the ability to make you feel comfortable, significant, and cared for in her presence. Who wouldn’t be attracted to that! I’m guessing that she feels pretty special around you as well.

Given that, what you have is a special friendship, not a romantic relationship. What’s happened here is that you’ve combined these two components together into one, which is making you want her even more. I also believe that in her mind there was always a boundary between friendship with you and intimacy. And although neither of you crossed that line physically (which I applaud you for), you did cross it mentally and emotionally on your own; hence the problem you are now facing.

Nick, if you really had feelings for her, then you’d honor her commitment to her marriage and her husband, while being truly happy for her at the same time. You’d focus on your “friendship” with her and leave it at that. What’s getting in the way is “you.” You are having trouble releasing her because you’ll lose a part of yourself in the process. But the truth is, the void that you don’t want to face (and that she is presently filling) is your void not hers. And as long as you associate her with filling that void, you will continue to struggle with the thought of losing her. But, as soon as you realize that only you can fill that void (sense of being significant, cared for, etc.), then you’ll also realize that you don’t need her to move on. Am I getting too heavy?

My suggestion to you: focus on the friendship and embrace her husband into the equation. Start talking about your desire to meet a woman like her, with her. That’s right, put it out there. Focus on maintaining a relationship with her and her husband once the contract ends. Who knows, she may have female friends just like her that she can introduce you to.

Nick, this woman showed you the qualities that are important to you in a relationship. That was her purpose. Now you need to release her…and then release yourself from her so that you can actually meet other women.

Posted in Work Relationships | No Comments »

Should I have left my phone number?

February 3rd, 2010

Hi,

I went for dinner (by myself) and I only ordered a small appetizer. It was a very romantic place, so it was a little awkward that I was by myself. My waiter was a very handsome guy, and he was very nice and friendly, not a snob at all. He seemed like he had been raised well and had good manners, dressed nice, hair combed neatly, smart, funny, professional. Seemed like good dating material, at least the kind of guy you could take home to meet Mom, the “marrying” kind.

I was chit chatting with him and he was smiling back at me in that shy quiet way. He had a lot of other tables to tend to. I was rambling on just so he could linger a bit and yes he was talking to me, but it was a little hard to talk to him much since he was super busy and other tables were calling for him…so we couldn’t talk for more than 15 seconds at a time.

I was definitely giving him “the bedroom eyes” so it’s pretty obvious that I found him attractive. He’s gorgeous, so I’m sure he’s used to women doing that to him.

He didn’t wear any rings. It would be really odd if he didn’t have a girlfriend. I would be very surprised if he was single. He is too high status and handsome to not get hit on. He did NOT seem like a player though. From talking to him I could sense he was interested in serious relationships only.

I decided to give him a big hint, so I did make a comment “I am here for a romantic dinner date - ALL ALONE ALL BY MYSELF” and he chuckled and said “that’s ok, a lot of people come in here by themselves.” I said I was finished, so then he gave me the check, ran my credit card, and left to tend to his other tables.

So while I was writing the tip on his copy, I saw he was extremely busy and there was no way I could talk to him any more. So I was thinking about writing down on the receipt my name and phone number and writing ‘call me’ or something…but here’s the catch, I had just applied there for a job to be a waitress also, so the manager (his boss) was talking to me most of the time, kind of a mini-interview, and he shook my hand and he showed me out the door. So I couldn’t even get a chance to write that on the receipt. Darn!

What would you have done if you were in my position?

Well I’m probably going to call them in a few days to see if they’re interested in hiring me anyway…

I’m still interested in him. Obviously I’m interested in the job first and foremost…but I wouldn’t mind him either
Any advice?

P.S. I was REALLY hoping he would ask me out provided he’s single…but he is at work..and his managers RIGHT there talking to me…so obviously a lot of guys wouldn’t

Dear Annie,

You’re funny. Regarding your scenario, did the manager seem interested in hiring you? Was there good energy between the two of you?

I ask because if you do end up working there, you problem is solved, right?

Had you not been applying for a position there, it might have been fun to see what happens by leaving your phone number. Why not! But I think it was a good thing that you didn’t do that. Think about how awkward it could be if your waiter has a serious girlfriend and you do end up working there. You will already have put your cards out on the table before even knowing this guy…probably not the way you want to enter a job, particularly given that employees gossip and could have a field day finding out that you left your phone number on your receipt.

Now, if you don’t get the job, then go back on the same day and time with a female friend and flirt away with this guy.

Either way, let me know what happens.

-Dr. Mac

JAWS 7.00 Aperture 2.1.1 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Native Instruments Battery V3.0.1.005 Vsti Rtas Au Mac Osx “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Microsoft Isa 2000 Server Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Norton Ghost 12 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Autodesk Robot Structural Analysis Professional 2009 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Sony Vegas Pro 8.0 Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Acronis True Image Home 2010 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Autodesk Maya 2010 X64 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Intuit Quickbooks 2006 Premier Edition sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Paragon Partition Manager 9.0 Professional upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Cyberlink Powerdvd Ultra Edition V8.0.1531 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Adobe Photoshop Cs2 V 9.0 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Corel Painter Ix For Mac freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Magix Samplitude Music Studio 14 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Filemaker Pro Advanced V10 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Mcafee Internet Security Suite Version 7.0 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Microsoft Money 2004 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Crystal Reports Xi R2 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Borland Developer Studio 2006 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Family Tree Maker 2009 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Ashampoo Burning Studio 8 2009 Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Honestech Vhs To Dvd 3.0 Deluxe “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Cakewalk Plasma 1.0 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Tekla Structure 15 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Microsoft Visual Basic 6.0 Professional upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Microsoft Frontpage 2003 (deutsch) Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Adobe Photoshop Lightroom 1.2 Multilingual Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Intuit Quicken Rental Property Manager 2009 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Sonic Scenarist 3.0 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Adobe Photoshop Elements 8.0 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Altova Xmlspy Enterprise 2007 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Roxio Toast 7.0 Titanium “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Newtek Lightwave 3d 9 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Macromedia Fireworks 8 For Mac quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Quarkxpress 7.2 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Rosetta Stone Version 3 English(british) Level 1, 2 3 Set Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Adobe Illustrator Cs4 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Adobe Dreamweaver Cs4 For Mac Adobe Golive 9 Mac JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Autodesk Alias 2010 For Mac sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Turbotax 2006 Home Business Schedule C (usa Only) upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Ibm Lotus Smartsuite Millenium Edition Release 9.8 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Makemusic Finale 2007 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Xara Xtreme Pro 3.2.4 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Steinberg Wavelab 5.01a Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Filemaker Pro Advanced V10 For Mac discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Microsoft Windows Vista Sp2 X64 Adobe Cs4 Master Collection CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Sas Jmp Statistical Discovery 7.0 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Adobe Dreamweaver Cs3 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Avanquest Fix-it Utilities Pro 8 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Ashampoo Burning Studio 9 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Sony Vegas Movie Studio Platinum Edition Pro V9.0a Build 85 (2008) Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Acd Systems Combo Pack “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Abbyy Finereader Professional Edition 9.0 With Djvu Addon JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Microsoft Windows Server 2008 Microsoft Sql Server 2008 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Autodesk Autocad 2009 32bit upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Corel Print House 6 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Ms Windows Xp Professional With Sp1 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Autodesk Revit Structure 2009 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Macromedia Jrun 4 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Macromedia Fireworks 8 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Makemusic Finale 2009 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Avanquest Partition Commander 10 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Magix Video Easy 1.0.2.2 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Solidworks 2009 X32 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Originlab Originpro 7.5 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Adobe Illustrator Cs3 Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Microsoft Windows 7 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Autodesk Alias Design 2010 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Mcafee Uninstaller 6.5 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Propellerhead Reason 2.5 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Nitro Pdf Professional 5 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Ulead Gif Animator 5 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Nuance Dragon Naturallyspeaking 9.51 Preferred freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Demicron Wirefusion Enterprise 5.0 Portable Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Abbyy Finereader Professional Edition 9.0 Corporate Edition Multilang discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Paloalto Business Plan Pro 2007 Premier Edition 9.06 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Hallmark Scrapbook Studio Deluxe 3.0 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Microsoft Exchange Server 2003 Enterprise Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Act By Sage Premium 2010 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Autodesk Autocad Architecture 2010 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Corel Designer Technical Suite 12.0 Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Arturia Storm 3.0 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Adobe Golive 9 Mac JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Microsoft Visual Basic Rad Professional V1.01 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Autodesk Autocad Land Desktop 2009 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Final Cut Studio Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Rosetta Stone Version 3 Italian Level 1, 2 3 Set Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Native Instruments Maschine freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Hallmark Card Studio 2009 Sierra Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Alias Studiotools 11.02 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Symantec Winfax Pro V 10.03 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Adobe Font Folio 11 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Fruityloops Studio 8.0 Xxl Edition Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Adobe Creative Suite 2 Premium For Windows quark xpress 6.0 demo

Posted in Work Relationships | No Comments »

But does he like me?

January 20th, 2010

Hi I like my co-worker. I have been working with him for about 2 months now. Every now and then he shows interests such as staring at me, talking to me on the side-lines. Although, the other day when I was talking to him about my horrible date with his friend, he told me he has a girlfriend. Should I try to pursue him? Do you think I have a chance or is it mere infatuation and one sided. He hasn’t told me that he likes me or complements me on anything like the others but my gut instincts says that he likes me and is too shy because I have dated his friend and he has a girlfriend. I plan on quitting my job because I have to focus all of my time in college. Although, I do not want to because I will miss being with him. Being with him at work makes me happy, all I think about is him. Since he is the only one holding me back from quitting my job… should I quit my job and focus all of my time and effort in college or should I stay in my job and continue staring at him even though nothing happens between us? I seriously need your help.. I feel like I am blinded by my feelings. Also, he asked me once why I do not want to get into relationships and I told him that it is because I have to focus on my studies.. but really the truth is I havn’t found the right guy and I feel like he is the right guy though, and he told me that I should live life to the fullest and be so up tight.. I seriously I do not know what to do. help! -Ann

Hi Ann and thanks for writing.

I’ll cut right to the chase. Yes, stick with your plan of pursuing your studies as a number one priority. You never want to let something so important take a back seat to something that is “iffy” at best, especially when it comes to infatuation with someone who is already dating someone else. From a logical standpoint, this is a no-brainer. And yes, I get that from an emotional standpoint, it is a little more grey.

Here’s another angle for you. Why can’t you still email, call, and stay in touch with this guy after you leave? I don’t see you losing an opportunity with him by leaving. In fact, you may be gaining an opportunity. For example, let’s just say that he dropped his girlfriend for you while you were still working with him. As nice as that sounds, dating a coworker brings on a whole new set of complications. Jealousy increases as each of you start noticing and watching each others’ actions with other coworkers; the two of you become the center for gossip amongst other coworkers, especially when you get into a fight, and some people may even begin to distrust you, assuming that what they tell you in confidence will automatically go right to him. My point is, you are ultimately bettering your chances for a relationship with this guy by not working with him.

Lastly, be careful about moving in on someone else’s guy. Stay in touch with him and focus on a friendship for now and leave it at that. If you actively pursue him while he is dating someone else, that may not be the best impression you want to bestow upon him right now…at least if you think he is a quality individual. Now, if you are just looking for a short-term fling, then maybe it doesn’t matter. If you are looking for Mr. Right, then you need to be Ms. Right, and that means letting his relationship with his girlfriend play out without any interference from you.

Hope that helps a bit.

-Dr. Mac

CodeGear Delphi 2009 Ms Windows 2000 Professional - Full Version sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Rosetta Stone Version 3 Russian Level 1, 2 3 Set upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Microsoft Windows 7 X64 French Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Ulead Photoimpact 12 With Addons Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Adobe Flex V.3.0.2 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Acronis Disk Director Suite 10.0 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Autodesk Inventor Lt X32 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Adobe Photoshop Elements 6.0 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Conceptdraw Office “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Mac Os X Server Version 10.4 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Deltagraph 5.6.2 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Acronis True Image Home 2009 12.0.09709 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Adobe Photoshop Lightroom 2 For Mac Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Native Instruments Fm8 For Pc “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Steinberg Nuendo 3.1 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Massdownloader V2.7 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Rosetta Stone Version 3 Korean Level 1, 2 3 Set upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Word 2007 Essential Training By Lynda.com Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Maple 13 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Arturia Minimoog V 1.6 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Luxology Modo 301 For Mac Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Native Instruments Kontakt V2.2.0.005 Vsti Rtas Au Mac Osx discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Microsoft Onenote 2003 Professional (deutsch) CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Parallels Desktop 3.0 (build 5584) For Mac “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Native Instruments Komplete-5 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Rosetta Stone Version 3 Japanese Level 1, 2 3 Set For Mac quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Mcafee Total Protect 2008 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Mcafee Virusscan Plus 2008 Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Macromedia Flashpaper V2.0 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Altova Schemaagent 2009 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Onone Phototools 2 Professional sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Adobe Audition 3.0 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Adobe Fireworks Cs4 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Altova Diffdog Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Visual Foxpro 9 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Microsoft Office 2007 Ultimate Adobe Acrobat 9 Pro Extended Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Magix Mp3 Maker 14 Deluxe discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Toon Boom Digital Pro CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Symantec Pcanywhere V 12.5 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Zonealarm Pro 8.0.015.000.xp Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Autodesk Civil 3d 2006 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Trend Micro Internet Security 2009 Pro acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Adobe Photoshop Lightroom 1.1 Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Steinberg Nuendo 3.1 Sony Sound Forge 9.0 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Macromedia Flash Pro 8 For Mac JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Nuance Omnipage 17 Pro With Paper Report sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Lynda.com Flash Cs4 Professional Building Ui Elements upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Relux Light Simulation Tools 2009 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Microsoft Office 2007 Ultimate Mcaffe Antivirus Total Norton System Works Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Turbotax Business 2006 (usa Only) freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Adobe Fireworks Cs3 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Codejock Software Xtreme Toolkitpro 11 For Visual C Mfc discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Adobe Dreamweaver Cs4 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Microsoft Expression Studio 1.0 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Pinnacle Studio Ultimate V12 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Autodesk Architectural Desktop 2006 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Rosetta Stone Version 3 Portuguese(brazil) Level 1, 2 3 Set acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Ms Windows 2000 Server - Full Version Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Native Instruments B4 Ii V2.0.3.009 Vsti Rtas Au Mac Osx “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Steinberg Cubase 5 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Adobe Golive Cs2 sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Onone Photoframe 4 Professional Edition upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Adobe Indesign Cs2 Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Symantec Norton Antivirus 10.1 For Mac Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Ulead Videostudio 9.0 freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Mcafee Quickclean 4.0 Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Ms Office 2000 Premium discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Adobe Framemaker 8.0 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Acronis True Image 7.0 “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Macromedia Studio 8 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Guitar Pro 5.2 quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Nero 7 Premium acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Adobe Cs4 Master Collection Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Rosetta Stone Version 3 Italian Level 1, 2 3 Set For Mac “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Microsoft Exchange Server 2007 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Filemaker Pro 9 Advanced sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Activestate Perl Dev Kit Pro 7 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Symantec Pcanywhere V 11.0 Host Remote Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Chief Architect Picture Painter 1.0 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!
acrobat reader 6.0! Kaspersky Internet Security 2010 9.0.0.459 Final freeway 4 pro for mac
Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe; Roxio Popcorn Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem
“adobe acrobat professional 8.0″ Microsoft Exchange Server 2010 X64 discount oem software quickbooks
JAWS 7.00 Cakewalk Home Studio 2002 CodeGear Delphi 2009
sonic dla Rosetta Stone Version 3 Chinese (mandarin) Level 1, 2 3 Set For Mac “cheap adobe software for macs”
upgrade from window me to window xp Corel Procreate Knockout 2.0 Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180.
Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem Rosetta Stone Version 3 German Level 1, 2 3 Set quark xpress 6.0 demo
Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac! Puremotion Editstudio Pro 5.0 acrobat reader 6.0!
freeway 4 pro for mac Roxio Toast 8 Titanium Sonic.RecordNOW.Deluxe;
Buy cheap software Rhino 4 oem Uniblue Powersuite 2009 “adobe acrobat professional 8.0″
discount oem software quickbooks Adobe Indesign Cs3 JAWS 7.00
CodeGear Delphi 2009 Native Instruments Fm8 Vsti Rtas Au Mac Osx sonic dla
“cheap adobe software for macs” Macromedia Captivate V1.0 upgrade from window me to window xp
Pinnacle studio plus 10 multilanguage pixarra twistedbrush pro studio 15 180. Veritas Backup Exec 10 For Windows Servers Buy cheap software LogoDesign Studio Pro 1.5 for MAC oem
quark xpress 6.0 demo Roxio Creator 2009 Ultimate Sp4 Rosetta Stone Version 3: Italian Level 1, 2 & 3 Set for mac!

Posted in Work Relationships | No Comments »

Is this fair!

January 30th, 2009

Dr. Mac,

I have been at my job for a little over a year and my boss and another employee are what you say pretty close. I heard from other employees who are like family to her say that she makes $18/hr for a “kitchen job.” Also, if she isn’t feeling good she is allowed to sleep in her car and still remain on the clock, not to mention is allowed to leave to pick up her children and even sleep at work overnight and start work in the morning while still on the clock. Is this fair to other employees and myself that she can get away with all this?
-Heather

Hi Heather.

Touchy situation, huh?

Let me begin with a couple of questions. Does this “other” employee’s behavior impact your ability to get your job done? Is her job performance preventing you from meeting your daily work objectives? I ask because if this person really has no impact on your work output, then I’d caution you to not spend too much time or energy on something that is more of an annoyance than anything else, and that is assuming it is even true. Keep in mind Heather that you are taking information right from the rumor mill and making it true.

Also, I’m having a little difficulty with the facts you presented because the truth is, your boss would have to justify not only the excessive overtime for one person to his superiors, but he’d also would have to justify the alleged pay rate ($18/hr) for the kitchen position as well. I don’t know of many organizations that freely allow a supervisor to make those kind of independent decisions. And, even if it was true, these kind of obvious injustices get discovered through an internal check-and-balance process (i.e., senior management inquiring about the excessive overtime, or HR conducting a job/pay analysis, etc.).

Now, if you honestly feel that all of the facts are true and that this situation does indeed impact your ability to get your job done, or that it is creating an uncomfortable dynamic between you and your boss, then you do need to bring it up to him. However, if you do say something, come from a place of inquiry instead of accusation.

For example, one way to approach your boss would be to say, “John, there are some rumors flying around the office about Sally and instead of playing the rumor game, I thought I’d just come and ask you about what’s being said.” And then tell him.

Heather, direct communication is the way to go here, especially since it is your supervisor we are primarily talking about here. You owe that to him. It would also be helpful for him to know that things are being said about him and about this coworker. He also has a responsibility to clear up any misconceptions.

I could go on but I think I gave you an earful already. Write back if there is more information to shed on this situation.

-Dr. Mac

Posted in Problem with a peer | No Comments »

Problem with boss & coworkers

January 29th, 2009

I’m the supervisor of 3 individuals who play on the Internet about 90% of the time and the company suffers as a result! I work in a financial company (stocks etc…) where mistakes are and have been costly to the clients. I have to correct 10-20 of their mistakes daily, which takes me away from my work, not to mention that I get yelled at each time a mistake is “costly.” My boss will not do anything to the women who keep going on the Internet. The only reason why my boss hasn’t fired them is because he stated “he didn’t want to go through the process of interviewing people again.” I simply can’t understand why people who show lack of interest for the business, consistently tardy and has no respect for my boss, or the business is still working at this place. I can’t understand why my boss is blind to all of this. I’m pretty sure a few new faces would improve the morale and the business. Any advice would be appreciated as I feel that I’m being taken advantage of by all. I await your response.
-Michelle

Hi Michelle.

Tough situation.

Let me ask a couple of questions first. If you are the supervisor of the three women, then why can’t you discipline them yourself? Are you the one who gives them their performance reviews? And would you be the one to head up the interview process if one of them left? My guess is that you are writing because you do not have the authority to write up or discipline the people you supervise. Am I correct?

As I see it, you have a few choices here.

You could do nothing and watch your stress level continue to rise. Probably not a good option.

You could ask if you and your boss could meet with these women individually in order to talk about your concerns (and hopefully his as well#. I like this option because you both are involved together in addressing this problem and it would not be a real stretch for your boss to participate.

You could go to HR to seek some advice on how to manage up in regards to your boss, since he is as much, if not more of the problem. HR could also suggest some ways to diplomatically address the Internet usage as well.

Another option is to tell your boss that you’d like the both of you to meet with his boss in order to discuss how best to deal with the problem. This shows respect #you are not secretly going above his head# and you are diplomatically saying that is both of your problems #instead of signaling him out). It will also show that you mean business.

The last option is to seek employment elsewhere.

Michelle, the bigger problem for you is finding support within the organization to address the inappropriate use of the Internet. Once you have that, the actual “addressing” the problem will be a lot easier. However, if you cannot get support to move forward on this, your hands will continue to be tied, leaving you with minimal options.

I personally like the second and fourth option as your first choices. Going to HR would be the back-up choice, followed by leaving the company.

-Dr. Macoem software electronic cad protel buy software adobe photo shop 6.0 tutorial

Posted in Problems with a Manager | No Comments »

Caught in the middle!

January 29th, 2009

I am software developer for a large company. A year ago I was given the responsibility of taking over a new system. What’s more, a technical specialist has been assigned to help me learn the system. That’s the good news. The bad news is that, although he’s been helpful, he is rather controlling. In fact, he’s not even involving me anymore, but instead telling me what to do on a daily basis. Needless to say, this wasn’t how it was suppose to work. To make matters worse, during my performance review, my supervisor tells me I am relying on the tech specialist to do my work and wants me to get involved more. Go figure.

Dr. Mac, I am a very hard worker and I always do my job well and meet the deadline. In this situation, I am in the middle, the supervisor wants me to get involve; where the tech specialist does not want me to get involve. I do not want to make either of them angry. I feel stressed all the time by standing in the middle. What should I do?

-Ha

Hi Ha,

Step 1 would be to make sure the tech specialist is aware of your desire to be more involved and to take on more responsibility. Ask him what you need to do to get more involved.

Hopefully Step 1 would be successful and you won’t need Step 2. But, should the tech specialist refuse to involve you, despite knowing that your supervisor believes you need to be more involved, then you need to request a meeting between the three of you where the goal would be to get everyone on the same page regarding your level of responsibility. At that point the discussion would primarily be between your supervisor and the tech specialist. Nevertheless, I would fully expect that a collaborative agreement would be reached.

-Dr. Mac

Posted in Problem with a peer | No Comments »

On-call position getting no work

January 27th, 2009

I was hired in September as a “per diem” (or on call) position in a hospital. The supervisor who hired me was brand new. It was their first job as a supervisor (a promotion) and had only had the position two months. My position is a union position, even as a per diem. So rules have to be followed. I was told in no uncertain terms that as a per diem I would be the first called when anyone in the department was out for any reason. Thus I would be getting alot of work. In fact, while I was training, one co-worker said to me, “gosh, you can work 40 hours a week around here if you want”.

Things went well for a while and I was working a lot. Then the supervisor sent out an email to all saying that per diem would only be used “as needed” and no longer would be called in simply to help because the department was cutting back. I contacted human resources and the union and found out the truth is that per diems don’t get first crack at absences when there is one. Instead, the part timers in the department get first crack and if after that no one can fill the vacancy, a per diem is called. So the person who hired me had it all wrong. ALL WRONG.

I am gathering this person found out but they never came to me and explained. Instead I haven’t worked in a month now. I was depending on that income and took the job believing I would be doing all the filling in. I never to this date have said anything to the supervisor because I am sure they know the truth now.

After 6 months I am eligible to apply for jobs in other departments in the hospital and as stated have been there since Sept. I am seething inside and wonder if I should say anything to the supervisor about the very damaging misinformation that was provided me upon being hired. But what would I say? Thank you, Todd

Hi Todd. Thanks for your note.

What jumps off the page to me is your avoidance of talking to your supervisor about this issue. You could have saved yourself a lot of stress had you done this when you first became concerned. Now, you’ve built this up so much that just the thought of talking to him/her on this issue drums up major anxiety for you. In the future, you are much better off addressing an “issue” you are having with your supervisor (or anyone else for that matter) at the beginning instead of waiting until it becomes a big deal. This is not unusual for conflict avoiders, but also not healthy. I only mention this because you also have a responsibility for your relationship with your supervisor and that includes bringing up concerns to them.

Based on what I’ve just said, you probably can guess that I believe you should talk with your supervisor about all of this, and as soon as possible. After all, you are the one carrying around the stress from this, not him or her.

The best way to do this is to ask to meet with him/her (step 1). Then begin by reinforcing the fact that you enjoy being part of this team and that you want to work as much as you possibly can in your role as a per diem. The key here is to begin the conversation on a positive note. Then get into the “issue” by phrasing it in the following manner: “I’m a bit confused over the role of a per diem employee and I was hoping to get a better understanding.” By phrasing the concern as a question instead of an attack or a complaint, you demonstrate a willingness to collaborate.

After you have raised the question, tell your supervisor that your understanding from him/her when you were hired was that your role was to be a first-call back-up and that now it appears that you’ve become a last-call back-up. Ask him/her if things have changed or if maybe you misunderstood the role of the per diem. I mention this because your supervisor may not believe that he/she did in fact lead you on during the interview. Hence, don’t assume that your perception of what was said is their perception as well.

If you think about it, the purpose of this conversation is to reiterate your interest in working more; letting your supervisor know that you are a team player and will jump in to help at any time; and to clear up any misunderstandings about the role of the per diem.

What you don’t want to do is argue, complain, or accuse your supervisor of anything, unless you want to turn this into a fight and can back up your assertions with factual information. My guess is that you don’t have a job description in writing to show what you believe you were promised at the beginning. Am I right? If you do, then you would want to bring this to the attention of your union rep. and seek out their council. You probably want to do this anyway.

Todd, it is unfortunate that your new supervisor may have misspoken. With that said, you also had the responsibility to bring this discrepancy up at the very beginning. By not doing that, you have made this harder than it needs to be. Have the conversation and see where things stand after that. It is difficult to speculate and stategize until that happens. -Dr. Mac

Posted in Problems with a Manager | No Comments »

Ask Dr. Mac Blog

Slander by employer

They don’t know how to manage!

Olympics…so what!

How do you fall out of love?

Should I have left my phone number?

But does he like me?

Is this fair!

Problem with boss & coworkers

Caught in the middle!

On-call position getting no work

Blog Topics

Books

Articles

Links