Hi I like my co-worker. I have been working with him for about 2 months now. Every now and then he shows interests such as staring at me, talking to me on the side-lines. Although, the other day when I was talking to him about my horrible date with his friend, he told me he has a girlfriend. Should I try to pursue him? Do you think I have a chance or is it mere infatuation and one sided. He hasn’t told me that he likes me or complements me on anything like the others but my gut instincts says that he likes me and is too shy because I have dated his friend and he has a girlfriend. I plan on quitting my job because I have to focus all of my time in college. Although, I do not want to because I will miss being with him. Being with him at work makes me happy, all I think about is him. Since he is the only one holding me back from quitting my job… should I quit my job and focus all of my time and effort in college or should I stay in my job and continue staring at him even though nothing happens between us? I seriously need your help.. I feel like I am blinded by my feelings. Also, he asked me once why I do not want to get into relationships and I told him that it is because I have to focus on my studies.. but really the truth is I havn’t found the right guy and I feel like he is the right guy though, and he told me that I should live life to the fullest and be so up tight.. I seriously I do not know what to do. help! -Ann

Hi Ann and thanks for writing.

-Dr. Mac

Hi there, I’m writing as I have met a girl on a personals website. We have had a few dates, our first date we just went to a movie, then the next time we met, we went for an hour drive and got ice cream, then a couple days ago she came to my house and we got a couple movies to watch, we watched two movies and we cuddled pretty much through both movies. Anyways, I really like this girl and I want to tell her this, im just really not sure how to go about it and what to say, I don’t want her to think its awkward or anything, but she seemed to be pretty comfortable the other night. I m 24 and she is 22.
-John

Hi John.

-Dr. Mac
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The feelings were so strong that for a long time I was considering trying to find another position in the same organization or in another organization altogether. It was a shame too, because my past two jobs were difficult workplaces, and I finally found a place where I enjoy working and doing what I do, and that came up. It felt like my heart was jumping out of my body sometimes, the feeling was so strong and so foreign to me.

I was unable to ignore how I felt, and was not sure at all that I wanted to. Yet I couldn’t do anything about it, and I know that. The last thing I wanted to do at the time is jeopardize either of our jobs.

Fast foward a year. By this point I had long fallen in love with her and while I knew that I had to wait until we no longer worked together, my hopes were increasing. Comments made about her still being single (she had only lived in the area six months by this point) only increased those hopes. I had never gotten along with anyone so well before, and the amount she seemed interested in me and remembered little details about me and my family from months before impressed me and suggested maybe she might feel the same.

So of course, this is the part of the story when disaster strikes, right? This story is no different. I knew that two years, after our temporary appointments were over, would be too late. One Monday morning, she shared news with our entire department that she’s engaged. My heart absolutely sunk. But at the same time, it didn’t hit me until months later. I didn’t talk to her for a full week, but gradually I did again, because I honestly had no choice given our positions. It started to hit me a little in August of that year. She was married in September.

Now I still work with her, as I said before. My feelings have not gone away in the least. We still talk constantly, that hasn’t changed, and that only makes things worse. I’ve had the hardest time, and I still can’t accept or even believe that she’s married. When her email address was changed to her new last name in January, it was very painful - I didn’t want to see that name in my inbox all the time. It hasn’t even sunk in yet.

It feels like someone ripped my heart out of my body, threw it into the Grand Canyon, and just for good measure, stomped all over it and ran it through a shredder a million times. I’ve been strong around her, but while talking to her Friday afternoon, my worst fear started to happen - I started falling apart in front of her. I couldn’t look at her, I think she saw some tears, but I can’t control any of it. How we even still get along so well is beyond me.

I need this pain to go away. To my surprise and complete dismay, it has only gotten worse as time goes on. I’ve thought about telling Jen how I felt, of course not wanting or expecting anything to come of it other than hoping that it would take away some of the pain… but that will likely make things worse. I’m pretty much stuck at a dead-end and I just can’t take the pain anymore.

I know I have to move on, but I don’t know how. -Nick

Thanks for writing Nick.

-Dr. Mac
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Hi,

I went for dinner (by myself) and I only ordered a small appetizer. It was a very romantic place, so it was a little awkward that I was by myself. My waiter was a very handsome guy, and he was very nice and friendly, not a snob at all. He seemed like he had been raised well and had good manners, dressed nice, hair combed neatly, smart, funny, professional. Seemed like good dating material, at least the kind of guy you could take home to meet Mom, the “marrying” kind.

I was chit chatting with him and he was smiling back at me in that shy quiet way. He had a lot of other tables to tend to. I was rambling on just so he could linger a bit and yes he was talking to me, but it was a little hard to talk to him much since he was super busy and other tables were calling for him…so we couldn’t talk for more than 15 seconds at a time.

I was definitely giving him “the bedroom eyes” so it’s pretty obvious that I found him attractive. He’s gorgeous, so I’m sure he’s used to women doing that to him.

He didn’t wear any rings. It would be really odd if he didn’t have a girlfriend. I would be very surprised if he was single. He is too high status and handsome to not get hit on. He did NOT seem like a player though. From talking to him I could sense he was interested in serious relationships only.

I decided to give him a big hint, so I did make a comment “I am here for a romantic dinner date - ALL ALONE ALL BY MYSELF” and he chuckled and said “that’s ok, a lot of people come in here by themselves.” I said I was finished, so then he gave me the check, ran my credit card, and left to tend to his other tables.

So while I was writing the tip on his copy, I saw he was extremely busy and there was no way I could talk to him any more. So I was thinking about writing down on the receipt my name and phone number and writing ‘call me’ or something…but here’s the catch, I had just applied there for a job to be a waitress also, so the manager (his boss) was talking to me most of the time, kind of a mini-interview, and he shook my hand and he showed me out the door. So I couldn’t even get a chance to write that on the receipt. Darn!

What would you have done if you were in my position?

Well I’m probably going to call them in a few days to see if they’re interested in hiring me anyway…

I’m still interested in him. Obviously I’m interested in the job first and foremost…but I wouldn’t mind him either
Any advice?

P.S. I was REALLY hoping he would ask me out provided he’s single…but he is at work..and his managers RIGHT there talking to me…so obviously a lot of guys wouldn’t

Dear Annie,

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Dr. Mac,

I was dating a colleague in our office for a while and we recently broke up because he was unwilling to be in a committed relationship with me. Instead, he wants to be friends, but I can not consider him as friend anymore.

Because we work in same office, I run into him all the time and I’m having a very difficult time with this. I still have feelings for him and it is tearing me apart.

-Samantha

Hi Samantha.

-Dr. Mac