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How do you fall out of love?

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

About six months after I was at my current job, a new supervisor started. I began working with her on a project that I had started working on months before. She’s a couple years younger than I am. I became really attracted to her very quickly. For weeks I just tried to ignore how I feel, but I couldn’t. When we were working together on our project, or even when I was working on something else not with her, or during conference calls, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about her or even looking over toward her. I know that’s so not right.

The feelings were so strong that for a long time I was considering trying to find another position in the same organization or in another organization altogether. It was a shame too, because my past two jobs were difficult workplaces, and I finally found a place where I enjoy working and doing what I do, and that came up. It felt like my heart was jumping out of my body sometimes, the feeling was so strong and so foreign to me.

I was unable to ignore how I felt, and was not sure at all that I wanted to. Yet I couldn’t do anything about it, and I know that. The last thing I wanted to do at the time is jeopardize either of our jobs.

Fast foward a year. By this point I had long fallen in love with her and while I knew that I had to wait until we no longer worked together, my hopes were increasing. Comments made about her still being single (she had only lived in the area six months by this point) only increased those hopes. I had never gotten along with anyone so well before, and the amount she seemed interested in me and remembered little details about me and my family from months before impressed me and suggested maybe she might feel the same.

So of course, this is the part of the story when disaster strikes, right? This story is no different. I knew that two years, after our temporary appointments were over, would be too late. One Monday morning, she shared news with our entire department that she’s engaged. My heart absolutely sunk. But at the same time, it didn’t hit me until months later. I didn’t talk to her for a full week, but gradually I did again, because I honestly had no choice given our positions. It started to hit me a little in August of that year. She was married in September.

Now I still work with her, as I said before. My feelings have not gone away in the least. We still talk constantly, that hasn’t changed, and that only makes things worse. I’ve had the hardest time, and I still can’t accept or even believe that she’s married. When her email address was changed to her new last name in January, it was very painful - I didn’t want to see that name in my inbox all the time. It hasn’t even sunk in yet.

It feels like someone ripped my heart out of my body, threw it into the Grand Canyon, and just for good measure, stomped all over it and ran it through a shredder a million times. I’ve been strong around her, but while talking to her Friday afternoon, my worst fear started to happen - I started falling apart in front of her. I couldn’t look at her, I think she saw some tears, but I can’t control any of it. How we even still get along so well is beyond me.

I need this pain to go away. To my surprise and complete dismay, it has only gotten worse as time goes on. I’ve thought about telling Jen how I felt, of course not wanting or expecting anything to come of it other than hoping that it would take away some of the pain… but that will likely make things worse. I’m pretty much stuck at a dead-end and I just can’t take the pain anymore.

I know I have to move on, but I don’t know how. -Nick

Thanks for writing Nick.

You’ve met a wonderful woman who has the ability to make you feel comfortable, significant, and cared for in her presence. Who wouldn’t be attracted to that! I’m guessing that she feels pretty special around you as well.

Given that, what you have is a special friendship, not a romantic relationship. What’s happened here is that you’ve combined these two components together into one, which is making you want her even more. I also believe that in her mind there was always a boundary between friendship with you and intimacy. And although neither of you crossed that line physically (which I applaud you for), you did cross it mentally and emotionally on your own; hence the problem you are now facing.

Nick, if you really had feelings for her, then you’d honor her commitment to her marriage and her husband, while being truly happy for her at the same time. You’d focus on your “friendship” with her and leave it at that. What’s getting in the way is “you.” You are having trouble releasing her because you’ll lose a part of yourself in the process. But the truth is, the void that you don’t want to face (and that she is presently filling) is your void not hers. And as long as you associate her with filling that void, you will continue to struggle with the thought of losing her. But, as soon as you realize that only you can fill that void (sense of being significant, cared for, etc.), then you’ll also realize that you don’t need her to move on. Am I getting too heavy?

My suggestion to you: focus on the friendship and embrace her husband into the equation. Start talking about your desire to meet a woman like her, with her. That’s right, put it out there. Focus on maintaining a relationship with her and her husband once the contract ends. Who knows, she may have female friends just like her that she can introduce you to.

Nick, this woman showed you the qualities that are important to you in a relationship. That was her purpose. Now you need to release her…and then release yourself from her so that you can actually meet other women.

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Should I have left my phone number?

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

Hi,

I went for dinner (by myself) and I only ordered a small appetizer. It was a very romantic place, so it was a little awkward that I was by myself. My waiter was a very handsome guy, and he was very nice and friendly, not a snob at all. He seemed like he had been raised well and had good manners, dressed nice, hair combed neatly, smart, funny, professional. Seemed like good dating material, at least the kind of guy you could take home to meet Mom, the “marrying” kind.

I was chit chatting with him and he was smiling back at me in that shy quiet way. He had a lot of other tables to tend to. I was rambling on just so he could linger a bit and yes he was talking to me, but it was a little hard to talk to him much since he was super busy and other tables were calling for him…so we couldn’t talk for more than 15 seconds at a time.

I was definitely giving him “the bedroom eyes” so it’s pretty obvious that I found him attractive. He’s gorgeous, so I’m sure he’s used to women doing that to him.

He didn’t wear any rings. It would be really odd if he didn’t have a girlfriend. I would be very surprised if he was single. He is too high status and handsome to not get hit on. He did NOT seem like a player though. From talking to him I could sense he was interested in serious relationships only.

I decided to give him a big hint, so I did make a comment “I am here for a romantic dinner date - ALL ALONE ALL BY MYSELF” and he chuckled and said “that’s ok, a lot of people come in here by themselves.” I said I was finished, so then he gave me the check, ran my credit card, and left to tend to his other tables.

So while I was writing the tip on his copy, I saw he was extremely busy and there was no way I could talk to him any more. So I was thinking about writing down on the receipt my name and phone number and writing ‘call me’ or something…but here’s the catch, I had just applied there for a job to be a waitress also, so the manager (his boss) was talking to me most of the time, kind of a mini-interview, and he shook my hand and he showed me out the door. So I couldn’t even get a chance to write that on the receipt. Darn!

What would you have done if you were in my position?

Well I’m probably going to call them in a few days to see if they’re interested in hiring me anyway…

I’m still interested in him. Obviously I’m interested in the job first and foremost…but I wouldn’t mind him either
Any advice?

P.S. I was REALLY hoping he would ask me out provided he’s single…but he is at work..and his managers RIGHT there talking to me…so obviously a lot of guys wouldn’t

Dear Annie,

You’re funny. Regarding your scenario, did the manager seem interested in hiring you? Was there good energy between the two of you?

I ask because if you do end up working there, you problem is solved, right?

Had you not been applying for a position there, it might have been fun to see what happens by leaving your phone number. Why not! But I think it was a good thing that you didn’t do that. Think about how awkward it could be if your waiter has a serious girlfriend and you do end up working there. You will already have put your cards out on the table before even knowing this guy…probably not the way you want to enter a job, particularly given that employees gossip and could have a field day finding out that you left your phone number on your receipt.

Now, if you don’t get the job, then go back on the same day and time with a female friend and flirt away with this guy.

Either way, let me know what happens.

-Dr. Mac

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But does he like me?

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Hi I like my co-worker. I have been working with him for about 2 months now. Every now and then he shows interests such as staring at me, talking to me on the side-lines. Although, the other day when I was talking to him about my horrible date with his friend, he told me he has a girlfriend. Should I try to pursue him? Do you think I have a chance or is it mere infatuation and one sided. He hasn’t told me that he likes me or complements me on anything like the others but my gut instincts says that he likes me and is too shy because I have dated his friend and he has a girlfriend. I plan on quitting my job because I have to focus all of my time in college. Although, I do not want to because I will miss being with him. Being with him at work makes me happy, all I think about is him. Since he is the only one holding me back from quitting my job… should I quit my job and focus all of my time and effort in college or should I stay in my job and continue staring at him even though nothing happens between us? I seriously need your help.. I feel like I am blinded by my feelings. Also, he asked me once why I do not want to get into relationships and I told him that it is because I have to focus on my studies.. but really the truth is I havn’t found the right guy and I feel like he is the right guy though, and he told me that I should live life to the fullest and be so up tight.. I seriously I do not know what to do. help! -Ann

Hi Ann and thanks for writing.

I’ll cut right to the chase. Yes, stick with your plan of pursuing your studies as a number one priority. You never want to let something so important take a back seat to something that is “iffy” at best, especially when it comes to infatuation with someone who is already dating someone else. From a logical standpoint, this is a no-brainer. And yes, I get that from an emotional standpoint, it is a little more grey.

Here’s another angle for you. Why can’t you still email, call, and stay in touch with this guy after you leave? I don’t see you losing an opportunity with him by leaving. In fact, you may be gaining an opportunity. For example, let’s just say that he dropped his girlfriend for you while you were still working with him. As nice as that sounds, dating a coworker brings on a whole new set of complications. Jealousy increases as each of you start noticing and watching each others’ actions with other coworkers; the two of you become the center for gossip amongst other coworkers, especially when you get into a fight, and some people may even begin to distrust you, assuming that what they tell you in confidence will automatically go right to him. My point is, you are ultimately bettering your chances for a relationship with this guy by not working with him.

Lastly, be careful about moving in on someone else’s guy. Stay in touch with him and focus on a friendship for now and leave it at that. If you actively pursue him while he is dating someone else, that may not be the best impression you want to bestow upon him right now…at least if you think he is a quality individual. Now, if you are just looking for a short-term fling, then maybe it doesn’t matter. If you are looking for Mr. Right, then you need to be Ms. Right, and that means letting his relationship with his girlfriend play out without any interference from you.

Hope that helps a bit.

-Dr. Mac

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I’m shy…

Sunday, January 25th, 2009

I’m not sure why but I somehow intentionally become very conscious and don’t have much to say around a particular co-worker. I was thinking it might be good to have lunch together to know each other better but when he asked today i refused. I wonder why I always ‘act weird’ in front of him. I don’t want to affect any reputation at work, nor let him think that I’m distant or uninterested. -Michelle

Hi Michelle.

I think if you just tell him what you’ve told me; that will be a good first step. You will find that the awkwardness will go away when you acknowledge the awkwardness. But you have to acknowledge it to him, directly.

My suggestion would be to go up to him (or email him as a first step) and thank him for asking you out to lunch. Then tell him that you would like to take him up on his offer and schedule a lunch. Let him know that you are a little shy at first, which is why you’ve been a little hesitant.

The more you talk with him, the more comfortable you will feel around him.

Michelle, this is important for you to follow through on. Do it this week and let me know how it goes.

-Dr. Mac
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The painful break-up

Saturday, January 24th, 2009

Dr. Mac,

I was dating a colleague in our office for a while and we recently broke up because he was unwilling to be in a committed relationship with me. Instead, he wants to be friends, but I can not consider him as friend anymore.

Because we work in same office, I run into him all the time and I’m having a very difficult time with this. I still have feelings for him and it is tearing me apart.

-Samantha

Hi Samantha.

I’m sorry to hear that your friend is not ready to make a commitment to you. To make matters worse, you have to see him every day and be constantly reminded of the many emotions that you have felt for him, both good and bad.

Your situation also highlights the difficulty of dating a coworker. If you had it to do over again, what would you do differently?

Samantha, you are in a difficult phase right now in regards to this guy, which is why it is so uncomfortable running into him at the office. You have some feelings of rejection, hurtfulness, and maybe even a growing sense of anger towards him for leading you on. Unfortunately, there is no fast way for these emotions to subside. Outside of leaving the company or transferring to another department, where you might not run into him as much, the only other option is to let time heal your wounds. Know that the awkward feelings will slowly evaporate.

My advice would be to release your feelings towards him by focusing on what a productive and professional relationship would look like and feel like with him. Trust that he came into your life for fun and intimacy but is not the guy you are meant to marry. That’s okay, you grew and are still growing from the experience. Be thankful that he was a part of your life and now release him so that you can be available for the next opportunity. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that.

Lastly, what did you learn about yourself through this experience and how are you a better person as a result? There are no accidents; you were meant to get something from this experience. Just remember, you are one step closer to meeting the man of your dreams.

I probably don’t need to say this but will anyway. I would be careful in the future about dating coworkers for reasons you now understand.

-Dr. Mac

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Traveling with the boss

Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

My director finally invited me to a business trip with her. I am very glad. But how do I behave? What do I talk during the flight, late nights, and what magazines and books are appropriate to read? -Julia

Hi Julia.

I’d say use common sense. Be professional at all times, regardless if your director lets loose or not. You never want to provide any gossip or fatter for the office. When you talk about other employees or answer direct questions about colleagues with your director, be respectful and diplomatic. Most importantly, do not repeat anything your director says when you get back at work other than how the “overall” trip went. You are building trust on this business trip in addition to getting work done.

With all of that said, you don’t need to be a robot and boring either. Have a drink (if your boss does) and share a little bit about your personal side with her. Just be careful.

-Dr. Mac
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Family favoritism

Sunday, January 4th, 2009

Dr. Mac,

My store manager has his step daughter working at our store in a management position. He’s recently employed his daughter AND his daughhter’s girlfriend. It’s being really unfair on the other staff because they are allowed to take breaks together which other satff aren’t allowed to do. They don’t even do the job well and there’s obviously a lot of favortism. They both take advantage of the fact he’s the boss and I’m wondering if there’s any rules against it or someone I could contact to report this?

-Kay

Hi Kay.

Let me ask you a question. Is the work ethic and performance of the store manager’s daughter and her friend hindering your ability to do “your” job? If not, then my advice would be to simply let it go and put your energy elsewhere. After all, if their performance is as bad as you say, its just a matter of time before it catches up with them and they will have to answer for themselves and their lack of productivity.

Another question: Do you report to the store manager or the store manager’s step daughter? Either way, you do have a responsibility to raise concerns or problems you are having at work to your immediate supervisor. Have you done that? If not, and you feel like this favoritism is causing a hardship on you at work, then you need to bring this up to your immediate supervisor, first and foremost. You always want to give your supervisor and your company an opportunity to address internal issues BEFORE you take them elsewhere. If you’ve done that and you are not satisfied with the response you received, we can talk some more.

Kay, remember that it is important to choose your battles in the workplace. If this is really important to you and your work performance is suffering, then by all means bring it up. However, if this is more of an annoyance than anything else, don’t waste your time on it. The risk of complaining about minor issues it that you can get labeled as the store “whiner”. Be careful.

-Dr. Mac
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