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Is this fair!

Friday, January 30th, 2009

Dr. Mac,

I have been at my job for a little over a year and my boss and another employee are what you say pretty close. I heard from other employees who are like family to her say that she makes $18/hr for a “kitchen job.” Also, if she isn’t feeling good she is allowed to sleep in her car and still remain on the clock, not to mention is allowed to leave to pick up her children and even sleep at work overnight and start work in the morning while still on the clock. Is this fair to other employees and myself that she can get away with all this?
-Heather

Hi Heather.

Touchy situation, huh?

Let me begin with a couple of questions. Does this “other” employee’s behavior impact your ability to get your job done? Is her job performance preventing you from meeting your daily work objectives? I ask because if this person really has no impact on your work output, then I’d caution you to not spend too much time or energy on something that is more of an annoyance than anything else, and that is assuming it is even true. Keep in mind Heather that you are taking information right from the rumor mill and making it true.

Also, I’m having a little difficulty with the facts you presented because the truth is, your boss would have to justify not only the excessive overtime for one person to his superiors, but he’d also would have to justify the alleged pay rate ($18/hr) for the kitchen position as well. I don’t know of many organizations that freely allow a supervisor to make those kind of independent decisions. And, even if it was true, these kind of obvious injustices get discovered through an internal check-and-balance process (i.e., senior management inquiring about the excessive overtime, or HR conducting a job/pay analysis, etc.).

Now, if you honestly feel that all of the facts are true and that this situation does indeed impact your ability to get your job done, or that it is creating an uncomfortable dynamic between you and your boss, then you do need to bring it up to him. However, if you do say something, come from a place of inquiry instead of accusation.

For example, one way to approach your boss would be to say, “John, there are some rumors flying around the office about Sally and instead of playing the rumor game, I thought I’d just come and ask you about what’s being said.” And then tell him.

Heather, direct communication is the way to go here, especially since it is your supervisor we are primarily talking about here. You owe that to him. It would also be helpful for him to know that things are being said about him and about this coworker. He also has a responsibility to clear up any misconceptions.

I could go on but I think I gave you an earful already. Write back if there is more information to shed on this situation.

-Dr. Mac
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Caught in the middle!

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

I am software developer for a large company. A year ago I was given the responsibility of taking over a new system. What’s more, a technical specialist has been assigned to help me learn the system. That’s the good news. The bad news is that, although he’s been helpful, he is rather controlling. In fact, he’s not even involving me anymore, but instead telling me what to do on a daily basis. Needless to say, this wasn’t how it was suppose to work. To make matters worse, during my performance review, my supervisor tells me I am relying on the tech specialist to do my work and wants me to get involved more. Go figure.

Dr. Mac, I am a very hard worker and I always do my job well and meet the deadline. In this situation, I am in the middle, the supervisor wants me to get involve; where the tech specialist does not want me to get involve. I do not want to make either of them angry. I feel stressed all the time by standing in the middle. What should I do?

-Ha

Hi Ha,

Step 1 would be to make sure the tech specialist is aware of your desire to be more involved and to take on more responsibility. Ask him what you need to do to get more involved.

Hopefully Step 1 would be successful and you won’t need Step 2. But, should the tech specialist refuse to involve you, despite knowing that your supervisor believes you need to be more involved, then you need to request a meeting between the three of you where the goal would be to get everyone on the same page regarding your level of responsibility. At that point the discussion would primarily be between your supervisor and the tech specialist. Nevertheless, I would fully expect that a collaborative agreement would be reached.

-Dr. Mac
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Wrong peer chosen for promotion

Saturday, January 24th, 2009

Dear Dr. Mac,

I have been an employee at a large corporation for almost 25 years. I work in one of their satellite offices and the main facility is located in the MidWest. We are a foreign owned company and as long as I have worked here they have sent people overseas to be the managers for this office. With the economic down turn they have decided to send the person on overseas assignment back home and have their first American manager.

As someone who has worked in this office since the beginning of time, who went back to school for a Masters in Environmental Management, someone who managed a facility in Arizona for 2 years, one who has done the duties of the manager since the beginning of time, and one who is constantly bringing new initiatives to management for the betterment of our company, I think I would have been the best choice to be manager for this office but was told I couldn’t be considered because I am not an engineer. Can’t argue with that……or can I? Could it be that I am not a man? Can’t prove that at all but the thought has crossed my mind in this chauvinistic company.

The person who they have pegged for the position has worked in this office for 12 years and in that time he has only done the job of a technician. He has never done anything outside of his job to improve his position or our company’s product. He has been caught with pornography on his computer, he makes up data instead of actually doing the work to generate the data, and he has been slack in doing his daily routine job. On top of all this, he is a habitual liar at work and in his personal life.

Since our current manager told him he would be the next manager he looks like he has stepped up to the plate although I doubt that he can keep it up for long. Whenever the manager is out of the office he leaves early. He has always done this but now he sends out an email saying he has a dentist appointment that he forgot about, or some other lame excuse. It boggles my mind that management can’t see how he is but then people only see what they want to see.

Here are my questions:

1. Do I have a case against them for not considering me for management?

2. Management from our home office will be coming to Denver next week and they want to talk to us about the future of this office. Would it be wise or would it be absolutely insane to come out and speak up about the person they want to move up to management. I have already called them and told them I was very concerned with their choice and how that may affect the integrity of this office, but I didn’t not go into detail. They will probably ask me for more details in the one-on-one meeting next week. What should I tell them?

3. Is it appropriate to tell them that his personal life is not good, that he has been unfaithful in both his marriages and uses work as a coverup for his affairs? This to me is a reflection of his character and morals which I think overflows into the workplace.

4. Should I just shut up and let the chips fall as they may and just hold on for another 2 years until early retirement?

Your help would be GREATLY appreciated, Dr. Mac.

“Liar Hater”

Dear Liar Hater,

I probably have more questions than answers for you but I’ll give your inquiry my best shot.

Do you have a case against your company for not being considered for the management job? It depends. Have you previously sat down with your manager and expressed interest in being promoted and/or moving up the company ladder? Have you had a heart-to-heart with your manager regarding your aspirations? Have you asked your manager for his support in your efforts to advance? And, has he agreed to do whatever he can to help you in that regard? I ask because if you have not put your intentions out there about your desire to move into management with the right people, including your manager (as well as the home office), your company may have passed you up unintentionally.

Regarding the hiring process itself, was the position posted? How did people hear about the opening and was there more than one candidate? Or, was the person who got the job hand picked without any competition for the position all together? If the person was selected without an opportunity for anyone inside the company or outside the company to apply for it, then there may be a problem with that decision. If that was the case, did you contact HR to find out why the position was not posted and what did they say?

Regarding talking to the home office next week, my advice would be to go ahead and express your concerns again, but be prepared to back them up with work-related examples. I would stay away from any personal attacks unless you have undisputed factual information that others will back up. Even then, it is always a risk to go in that direction. If you want to come across as a management candidate, be diplomatic and don’t get into the nitty-gritty details. Remember, you will have to work with this person for at least the next two years, regardless what happens. If you don’t care how you come across, I’d still suggest diplomacy for the same reason.

My final thought is this. If you want to be considered for management the next go-around, then go the high road and begin networking within the company and making your intentions known. This includes supporting the new manager and getting on his good side. Also know that if he is as bad as he seems, he’ll step on a landmine in no time and probably sabotage himself, allowing you to possibly step in. If, however, you don’t care about a future management position, then I’d still suggest you share your reservations with the choice and frustrations with the process and then let it go and get on board. Why make your last two years (or more) stressful if it doesn’t have to be.

Dr. Mac


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Copycat

Friday, January 23rd, 2009

Hi Dr Mac,

I’m 15 and work in an office with a girl who is 21. We have become friends over the three months I have been working with her. The only thing that is starting to bother me is that she copies everything I do.

She started with colouring her hair dark and buying extensions so her hair is now long and dark like mine. Then she bought fake spectacles at a drugstore after commenting on how good I look when I wear my reading glasses. She has bought the same clothes and shoes that I have. The other day when I was in her bedroom I noticed she has bought the same perfume that I wear.

I feel like I have a clone following me around and it’s embarrassing and awkward. I want to be able to be myself but I feel like I can’t because this girl is always copying me and trying to be like me. I don’t know what to do.

Thanks in advance

Astrid

Hi Astrid.

What you want to start doing is acknowledging the unique things about her that make her special. Comment on her dress one day and how the colors bring out her eyes. Tell her how you appreciate the fact that she manages stress so well and how you wish you could be more like that…in other words, by recognizing and reinforcing what she does and has that is different from you, she should begin to appreciate those things in herself a little more and slowly stop trying to emulate you on all fronts.

If this doesn’t work, then you may have to be more direct and bring it up to her. You don’t have to be mean but could say something like, “What I like about you is your uniqueness. Don’t lose that! Sometimes I get the feeling that you are trying to be more like me. That would be weird for me. Be yourself…”

Let me know what happens and we can go from there.

-Dr. Mac

Coworker trying to take over my project

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

Dr. Mac,

I have been involved for several months in a start up adjunct to the company I have been with for 15 years. About 2 months ago, the company chose a new person with far less seniority in the company, to be my 2nd. We are equal in the workplace, but they want me to share my knowledge so she can back me up if I am away. My problem is she wants my job! She has made very clear she is most interested in doing exactly what I do, and has discredited my knowledge to my bosses, and sucked up to my superiors….the most direct of which knows her from prior experience. She is good at what she does, I don’t feel she needs to discredit me to show her skill level, except to try take over my job. Now that I am going to have to work closely with her, I am very nervous. I don’t want her to keep trying to make me look bad, so that I get taken off the project! Our bosses seem to be accepting this as evidence of their good choice in her, but she is annoying a number of us, and I don’t know how to deal with her personally, now that I starting to get really mad. -Susan

Hi Susan.

If this woman discredits you and you find out about it, then by all means confront her on it. This will send a message that you will only put up with so much before taking a stand.

I think you should only worry about yourself in all of this and not this coworker. Eventually she will hang herself with her over-ambition and inability to be a true team player. If you get too caught up in her dysfunctional dynamics, you become part of the problem and it won’t make you look like the “bigger” person. And don’t worry about your bosses, they will come around and see through this.

-Dr. Mac
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Workplace bullying

Monday, January 19th, 2009

Dr. Mac,

I am a marketing professional/copywriter working in an in-house ad agency with two other designers and a creative
supervisor (our boss). I have been at the company for two years and within a few weeks of starting there, one of the
graphic designers (who was the only designer at the time-we’ve since hired the second) began belittling me in front of our clients. This has continued to get worse over the course of the past two years.

He is in no way my boss (we’re equals on the company food chain and perform two very different, but related functions). However, he acts like he is my boss. And a bad boss at that. He has called me stupid, incompetent, unqualified (all unfounded and untrue) and has demanded to see my job description because he was convinced I had “no business working on any creative concepts.” (This is not true, as that is what I was hired for). He continually bosses me around, tells me my ideas impede his creative process and generally doesn’t allow me to contribute to the creative process. If I try, he causes a scene by degrading
my work and my value to company in front of other people.

Our boss was actually in one particular meeting where the designer called me stupid and incompetent and demanded my job description. And while my boss agreed with what I said and that I was, in fact, right, and my co-worker was wrong, my co-worker did not even get in trouble for the way he treated me. This was about three months after I started working there. And now, it is out of control. To the point where other people are noticing and it has undermined my ability to get work done because he is always trying to take my work from me. (He has also passed off my work as his, which is par for the course in advertising land, but still annoying and wrong.)

When the new designer started, he immediately told the new designer to not listen to anything I say (fortunately, the
new designer didn’t listen to him) and every project we were all on together was nothing short of agony for me. The
nastiness and bullying, telling me what to do when he has no place doing that, telling me my ideas are bad or stupid
and then stealing them as his own…the list goes on.

I’m the only person he does this to. He has clearly singled me out at his target and is as nice as pie to everyone else (but I have heard rumors that he badmouths me to anyone who will listen- they are just rumors, though, but I wouldn’t put it past him).

I’m at the point where I’m ready to quit. Our boss hasn’t done anything about it and it’s getting worse. I’m not sure if HR would be any better. What advice can you give me in this situation? Am I wrong in thinking that I’m being bullied or harassed? Thank you.

~Sherie

Sherie,

Thanks for your letter.

Have you stood up to this other designer and demanded he stop? Is he picking on you because you are a woman or are there other reasons you’ve become the focus of his abuse? Have you demanded to your supervisor to address this issue? Have you talked with HR? And, have you enabled this guy over the years by taking his abuse and not standing up for yourself?

The picture you paint in your letter is pretty bad. If the situation is like you say it is, then by all means come out fighting instead of quitting. The first place is to confront the designer and demand that you get treated with respect from this point on or else you’ll escalate this to the supervisor, HR, your supervisor’s supervisor and possibly even the EEOC. If he persists, then go up the chain and demand action.

What I’m struggling with here is disbelief that no one in your organization has addressed the situation. How can this go on for two years without being addressed by you, your supervisor, your supervisor’s supervisor, HR and coworkers. If I had an s.o.b. in my office who bad mouthed another employee, I’d say something to him/her and possibly their boss after a while. How is it that everyone else is putting up with such inappropriate behavior? Either the whole organization is pretty dysfunctional or maybe you are exaggerating this a bit?

Nevertheless, it needs to stop, and you need to be the one to address it first and directly with the designer. Failure to do this will only reinforce the behavior…which is what “enabling” is.

-Dr. Mac
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Sharing salary information

Monday, January 19th, 2009

Dr. Mac,

I recently got a job offer that I have been dying to get. I have a friend who helped refer me to the employer and probably had a lot to do with me getting hired. When I told him I took the job offer, he asked if they told me what I was going to be getting paid. I thought for a minute and decided it wouldn’t hurt to tell him. I heard later this company has a policy about not sharing salary information. He doesn’t seem like the type to share it with anyone else and he wasn’t too bothered with how much I’d be making, even though it was more. In fact he said he expected it to be more than what he got to start with. Now I’m really worried that I’ll get fired for telling him. Is this something to actually worry that much about. Have alot of people been fired for this type of thing. I would like to just relax and focus more on starting the job in 2 weeks.
-Sam

Hi Sam.

I suggest sharing your concerns with your friend whom you gave that information to in order to make sure he is mindful of not saying anything to anyone about your salary information. That alone should make you feel more comfortable.

I also think you have nothing to worry about since you provided that information before you started working there and before you went through employee orientation where the policies are explained.

-Dr. Mac

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He took my money!

Sunday, January 18th, 2009

Dear Dr. Mac-

This last week I was heading home from work. I bought my train ticket, and a co-worker reaches into the machine, and hands me my ticket and steals my money. My question to you is how best to deal with this type of a situation. Thanks. Charlie–

Hey Charlie.

You have to decide if, in the scheme of things, this is an important enough issue to pursue. Is the person who took the money important to you? Will you be working with him much in the future? And, was the amount of money enough to justify a confrontation? I mention this because you have to choose your battles and let the rest go. Life is too short to waste energy on issues that are not worth your time.

Secondly, did you say something at the time the incident occurred? If so, what was the response? If not, why not?

Lastly, if you decide that you need to confront the situation, then my suggestion would be to approach this person by refreshing their memory of the incident (as you perceived it) and politely ask, “Did did you take my money?” The key is not to accuse but to simply ask. Be prepared from anything from the truth to an outright lie. Regardless what their response back to you is, be the bigger person here and let them know that if they need to borrow money in the future, all they have to do is ask. Tell him that you’d rather help them out than have to have awkward conversations like this one.

Should it happen again, you may need to consult with your supervisor.

Authentically,

Dr. Mac

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Team member who misses deadlines

Friday, January 16th, 2009

Dear Dr. Mac,

I am a Project Manager at a small company, and I am having trouble dealing with one of the team members that just so happens to be a friend. He is very intelligent, well liked, and excels at many aspects of his job with one glaring exception…time management. His work is always late or finished at the last possible minute. This has gone on unchecked (although not unnoticed) for years for two reasons:

a) He is his Department Director’s favorite and, b) has always been supported by a team of enablers. In order for projects to get finished on time, someone usually ends up stepping in to do his work. I count myself as probably one of the worst offenders, and acknowledge that I have helped create this very situation.

Fast-forward one year and the pattern just keeps on repeating. He promises to change, but doesn’t. I become resentful, then end up complaining (I hate that I do this) and going to my boss or (recently) his. Every iteration ends with us further straining our work relationship and friendship. -Christine

Hi Christine.

Thank you for such a well-written scenario. I’m very impressed with yoru writing and your assessment of the situation you presented.

A couple of things:

There are four main personality types. One type in particular works best under pressure. In fact, they have difficulty with a lot of planning time and have a tendency to wait until they are up against a deadline before taking action. Believe it or not, they tend to work better under these conditions. I think the adrenaline rush is part of it, myself. They tend to be very “in the moment” people and can get distracted easily. They also have short attention spans and resist control by others. A structured environment with deadlines, meetings, and continuous updates expected from them, can create a lot of stress for these types. If you are familiar with the Myers-Briggs, they would have an “S” and a “P” as two of their four letters.

My sense is that your colleague falls into this personality grouping. For project managers, like yourself, you need constant communication, updates, and team members who are not afraid to ask for help or, at the very least, admit they cannot meet a deadline “before” the deadline hits. Just from what you’ve told me, I can see the obvious conflict that would occur here between not just the two of you, but between your colleague and anyone else that is trying to work within the framework of a project where you have to rely on each other.

I can also sense your saddness in what feels like a loss of a friend. For you, that is probably the biggest part of all of this. Unfortunately, the answer lies within you colleague, as he/she needs to step up his work ethic and adjust to a structured environment. This blending of friendship and professional colleague only works when the work relationship is not in jeopardy. But it is in jeopardy, and consequences are soon to follow.

What all of this means is that you are going to have to practice “tough love” with this person. In other words, let go of helping them, enabling them, and even to some degree, caring for them. It means changing your relationship by creating clear boundaries of what you will and won’t do to help them succeed. Until this person finds it within themself to rise up, collaborate, communicate, and rely on others, nothing will change. Unfortunately, this may mean letting them fail and face the consequences. That’s what tough love is…the willingness to let another fail in hopes that they will gain the necessary insight and motivation to learn from their mistakes, on their own.

It is the friendship you have with this person that will make this difficult, yet all the more important. I would also hope that his/her supervisor is laying down the law as well so that the message is coming from multiple sources.

Christine, if this person is a true friend, then they will level with you and show a vulnerable side. If not, they may not be the friend that you think they are.

-Dr. Mac

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Do I go to the boss about a coworker?

Friday, January 16th, 2009

Dear Dr. Mac,

I went to a sales presentation as a back up for a coworker. At that presentation, my coworker made inappropriate remarks, seemed flustered at points and showed propriatary information to the client(which the client pointed out by saying, “You shouldn’t be showing me this.”). I jumped in at various points to salvage any points I could, especially when my coworker was on the floor picking up all the folders and papers she dropped.

This is not my account but I don’t want the company to lose it because of my coworker. Should I go to our boss? If this account decides to go elsewhere with their business I don’t want to be blamed for her poor performance. I can also see her being vindictive if I “tattle”.

-Marty

Hi Marty.

What would you want a coworker to do with you if the tables were turned? Probably pull you aside and talk with you before going to the boss, right?

My suggestion would be for you to invite her to talk with you to do a “debrief” of the meeting. Ask her what worked, what didn’t, and what would she do differently the next time. The purpose of this is to give you coworker an opportunity to self-assess before you add your feedback. It will also tell you how self-aware she is and if she is learning from her mistakes.

After she has shared her perspective, give yours. Begin with what you thought went well along with the areas that could be improved. Share a story of a past mistake that you made and how you grew from overcoming it. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help her in the future.

At this point, you’ve reached out and offered her help. If she declines it or if her behavior doesn’t improve with clients, then, and only then, would you want to confer with your boss. I’m guessing that the client would raise a concern directly with your boss as well and your coworker would be identified at that point in time. Then it would be out of your hands and where it needs to be, between your coworker and your boss.

The bottom line here is, try to help her first. If it does work out, then you’ve done a great thing. If it doesn’t work out, then at least you made the attempt, and that was the respectful thing to do.

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