Ask Dr. Mac » Problem with a peer

Immature co-worker

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

Hello! Thank you for this opportunity; I feel I’m at my wits end.

I’ve been at my job for 3 years now; I’m a custome service rep. There are 4 people in the dept including myself. One has been with the co. over 10 years and the other 2 were hired about a year ago. One of the newer reps is in her early 20’s and very immature. I recently injured myself at work and was out on comp for a few months. Upon returning this girl has been doing anything and everything to get under my skin. While I was out she took office equipment from my cubicle. Now every time she uses the equipment she makes comments in the “haha I took it” fashion. This, at first, was just funny; now it’s annoying. If I’m speaking with the senior rep she has to speak to her immediately after always insinuating that while I was gone they became best friends and no one likes me any more. Which is the complete opposite. She never stops talking or making noise So that everyone knows she’s in the room. Even when the rest of us are quietly working at our desks. This is one of the biggest annoyances. If someon is leaving fo the day and they are saying goodbye to me, before they can finish, she interupts with (as loud as possible) “bye Joe! Have a great night Joe! See you tomorrow!” so they basically get distracted And their attention is on her.

The biggest annoyance and newest as well is: she will wait until I’m completely engrossed in a project, multi-tasking 3 or 4 things, to take an extended break. When this happens I have to drop everything I’m doing to take a call. Don’t get me wrong, calls are a part of my job and I have no problem answering them, but she isn’t stepping away to do something work related. She’s chatting it up with the boys in the warehouse or making a personal call. It’s annoying because if I’m not busy and just doing data entry or “busy” work she will make it a point to take every call or input every order so it looks like I’m not doing my job well or the dept doesn’t need me.

I’ve tried to just ignore it as immature and her issue, but when I become overwhelmed and can’t complete tasks because she wants to flirt with the warehouse guys; it gets really frustrating. I don’t want to go to my boss fo 2 reasons: 1. I’m not a tattler and 2. She is favored by him.

Any advic would be great. Thanks again!

Sara

Hi Sara.

You are escalating the tension between the two of without knowing for a fact whether these assumptions you are making regarding your coworker are correct or not. That’s a bad habit to get caught up in.

The only actions of your coworker that you need to concern yourself with are those actions which impede your ability to get your work done. All other behaviors of hers are really nothing for you to concern yourself with. In many ways, you are creating your own stress. I know, not what you wanted to hear.

Sara, if this woman is doing something which is creating hardship on you in getting work done, then you need to address it with her directly (before going to your boss). All you have to do is ask for what you need and avoid making judgments or accusations. If, for example, you need her help when you are dealing with multiple projects at once, ask her before she goes on break if she could cut the break short and help you and then you’ll cover for her later in the day so she can get her full break. In this case, you are focusing on what you need more of or less of from her and letting go of the judgments about how long her breaks are or how she is spending her breaks.

One more thing: Let go of this need to analyze your coworker and her motives. That doesn’t help you or her. If she is the type to play games and manipulate, let her get caught in her own game. She’ll eventually step on her own toes. But that’s about her, not you.

Be the ideal employee and focus on your work.

-Dr. Mac

Posted in Problem with a peer | Post a Question | No Comments »

We don’t “click” at work

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

I’ve been thinking about your book, Ask Dr. Mac, and wanting to re-read it now as I am beginning to plant roots at my new company. I have been really struggling with one of my colleagues. Shes the only one I work with directly and technically we should be working together, but I find her 1) retarded and under-qualified and 2) uncooperative and sneaky. I haven’t said that to her face…yet. Jokes aside, I have been really focusing on changing my perception of her and only thinking positive thoughts about her and trying to ask her opinion on my work, and gain her trust. But its been a real challenge. Any tips?
-Kate

Hey Kate.

Good to hear from you.

Regarding your co-worker, there are probably a few steps (what I call working relationship levels) that can be attained (over time) together with her. Step 1 is knowing exactly what you need from her in order to do your job effectively. These are essentially non-negotiable since your job depends on getting these things from her; and I’m talking about tangibles like a report, weekly stats, or other kind of information. The non-tangibles come in to play at step 2.

So the question to you is, what tangibles do you need from her each week and are you getting them in a timely fashion? If not, your initial focus needs to be on getting those tangibles met. Hence, your conversation (albeit diplomatic) would need to be around asking for what you need, why you need it, and how much you’d appreciate getting it in a timely fashion…followed with a “and what I can do to help you would be…” (or something to that effect).

Once you have the critical functions of your job being met (in regards to what you need from this coworker), you can then move to the relationship part (Step 2). I’ll wait to go there until I know from you if that would be helpful.

Step 3 would probably be collaborative efforts that produce win-wins for both of you.

Let me know if you’ve already reached Step 1 or when you reach it so that we can talk about Step 2.

-Dr. Mac

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Nasty coworkers

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

My work life has been made miserable by one (maybe more) nasty coworkers who are “telling tales out of school.” Some exaggerated partial-truths that would fit 90% of the Corporate cubies (like me) and some bald-faced lies. What can I do? I have no idea why they treat me like this unless it’s just to get ahead. I used to get great feedback; my last feedback was appalling and my morale is plummeting. -Laurel

Hi Laurel.

You do have options.

Option 1) Confront the person(s) who is spreading these stories about you. The key is to not be vindictive in your approach but more inquisitive. Ask, out of curiosity, if they may have passed on information about you to another coworker. If they own up to it, provide them with the correct information (while being nice), and encourage them to seek you out next time to get the complete story before passing on information about you. If they deny passing on information about you, let them know that you’d appreciate that they come talk to you, should they ever hear a rumor about you. Let them know that you will do the same for them.

Option 2) Ask the person who is primarily responsible for passing on the rumor if everything is okay between the two of you? When they ask why, let them know that you’ve heard second-hand that they passed on some information about you that wasn’t correct and that you just wanted to clear up any misconceptions and make sure there wasn’t a problem between the two of you.

Options 1 & 2 also send the message that you will assert yourself and confront coworkers when rumors are being spread about you. This should make them think twice about participating in this activity in the future since most people don’t like to be confronted.

Option 3) Make sure that your behavior and actions around the office are not contributing to the rumor mill. In other words, are you bringing some of this on yourself? Are you doing anything to make yourself unlikable? If so, make some changes so that you blend in better. If you are innocent of any wrongdoing, then try the other options presented here.

Option 4) Ask your supervisor to facilitate a meeting between you and the coworker who is doing most of the gossiping about you. I’d suggest trying the other options before going to this one, however. You always want to try to address a problem yourself first. With that said, it is your supervisor’s responsibility to monitor how his/her department functions and works together. Since the gossiping is hurting the department and bringing down morale, he/she needs to address it one way or another.

You can always seek out your supervisor for coaching on how to address this problem. I don’t mean dump the problem on their desk and ask them to solve it. I mean get advice and handle it yourself. Your supervisor may know what the problem is already.

Option 5) Turn the other cheek. In other words, let your work speak for itself and hope that they eventually pick on someone else. You are less of a target if your work is perceived as valuable. Is it?

Option 6) If the problem still exist after trying the options above, then you may want to consider leaving or transferring out of the department. This is an option you don’t want to use unless nothing else works.

Laurel, if your coworkers were to talk with me about what the problem is, what would they say? Are there two sides to this story or are you just being picked on because you are an easy target?

Let me know what happens.

-Dr. Mac
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Incompetent Peer

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

Dr. Mac,

Over the last two years, I’ve had to deal with an incompetent co-worker. Initially the co-worker started as a student, with a very arrogant attitude. The majority of the sub-supervisors all felt that the worker, after 90 days trial period, would have been dismissed due to incompetence, laziness, and repetitive questions about how to do certain tasks. However management did not dismiss the worker stating that the ” light will eventually come on and to give the worker more time” This caused more stress, as myself and others had to finish the assigned tasks for her, and fix the mistakes. This again was address to management, but no intervention was done.

Tension started to rise. Any other time if another worker had displayed the same traits as the person mention, he/she would have been dismissed. Due to tension mounting, management advised me to seek anger management. I have had 3 sessions so far. Have tried to cope with this co-worker with various stress tools advised by the therapist, but the co-worker is still “getting under my skin”. To make matters even more frustrating, management told the co-worker that I had gone to anger management. What is my next step? -Marilyn

Hi Marilyn.

What I’m not sure about is why you are taking on this problem? This incompetent employee will eventually shoot himself/herself in the foot, and management will be left with no other option but to let him/her go.

It was inappropriate for “management” to announce you went to anger management. That’s something you could consult with HR over, if you choose to pursue it.

My suggestion, separate of the “anger management” issue above, would be to have a heart-to-heart with your immediate supervisor about the situation. Let him/her know how much time you are spending on correcting errors and how much that is costing the company and taking you away from effectively doing your job. Bring a suggestion or two on what could be done to help this employee get up to speed (now you are seen as part of the solution instead of the problem) as well. You never want to just complain without a solution.

The main thing right now is to “release” trying to judge or control what happens to this other employee. You need to start worrying about yourself and keeping your job. In other words, start demonstrating the traits of an employee that is grateful to have work and that wants to help others…as in being a “team player.” Right now you are not really doing that, in my opinion. And now that the “anger management” is documented in your record, you are on thin ice. So a shift on your part is required and it’s required now.

Be the model employee for a while. It will save your job.

-Dr. Mac
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I published a controversal article

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

I’m an editor at a newspaper. I’ve just edited and published a controversial article, which was attacked by nationalistic people in my country. Although it is impossible to know how many there are, lots of negative comments have appeared on the web.

My editor-in-chief is backing me, and I believe we have a strong case to make. Even if we may receive formal complaints, we are confident we can argue and defend our position.

However, another editor in my newspaper apparently wants to use this chance to discredit me.

He sent me two emails asking questions and arguing that I should have done things differently. He said my newspaper may have lost prestige because of me. So far I did reply to every mail he sent me.

Now I feel fed up. But I don’t want to lose the temper. What should I say politely if he still wants to “interrogate” me like this?

FYI, he is currently based in another area. That’s why we communicated via emails.

-Jason

Hi Jason.

Is your editor-in-chief also the other editor’s boss? If so, he/she needs to be aware of the undiplomatic approach that the other editor has used with you. There is no excuse for a co-worker to jump all over another co-worker like that.

If your editor-in-chief is not the other editor’s boss, then your best approach is to acknowledge the points that the other editor has made and to thank him for his feedback. Let him know that you also struggled with publishing the article but that, in the end, you and your “editor-in-chief” thought the debate the article would create was important.

Jay, regardless of who is or is not the other editor’s boss, you want to follow the suggestions on how to respond to him above for a couple of reasons: 1) This guy wants to argue with you and if you immediately acknowledge his point (which doesn’t mean agreeing with it), you essentially take away anything for him to keep attacking. Hence, his anger will fade pretty quickly. If you were to argue with him instead, you’d only feed the fire, so to speak. And 2) You always want to maintain your professionalism, especially when it comes to co-workers. Editors who treat other coworkers with disdain and judgment don’t last long, partially because they end up pissing everyone off. Sorry for the profanity but I wanted to make a point. Stay supportive of this guy and let him sink himself. He’s on a short rope.

-Dr. Mac
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Is this fair!

Friday, January 30th, 2009

Dr. Mac,

I have been at my job for a little over a year and my boss and another employee are what you say pretty close. I heard from other employees who are like family to her say that she makes $18/hr for a “kitchen job.” Also, if she isn’t feeling good she is allowed to sleep in her car and still remain on the clock, not to mention is allowed to leave to pick up her children and even sleep at work overnight and start work in the morning while still on the clock. Is this fair to other employees and myself that she can get away with all this?
-Heather

Hi Heather.

Touchy situation, huh?

Let me begin with a couple of questions. Does this “other” employee’s behavior impact your ability to get your job done? Is her job performance preventing you from meeting your daily work objectives? I ask because if this person really has no impact on your work output, then I’d caution you to not spend too much time or energy on something that is more of an annoyance than anything else, and that is assuming it is even true. Keep in mind Heather that you are taking information right from the rumor mill and making it true.

Also, I’m having a little difficulty with the facts you presented because the truth is, your boss would have to justify not only the excessive overtime for one person to his superiors, but he’d also would have to justify the alleged pay rate ($18/hr) for the kitchen position as well. I don’t know of many organizations that freely allow a supervisor to make those kind of independent decisions. And, even if it was true, these kind of obvious injustices get discovered through an internal check-and-balance process (i.e., senior management inquiring about the excessive overtime, or HR conducting a job/pay analysis, etc.).

Now, if you honestly feel that all of the facts are true and that this situation does indeed impact your ability to get your job done, or that it is creating an uncomfortable dynamic between you and your boss, then you do need to bring it up to him. However, if you do say something, come from a place of inquiry instead of accusation.

For example, one way to approach your boss would be to say, “John, there are some rumors flying around the office about Sally and instead of playing the rumor game, I thought I’d just come and ask you about what’s being said.” And then tell him.

Heather, direct communication is the way to go here, especially since it is your supervisor we are primarily talking about here. You owe that to him. It would also be helpful for him to know that things are being said about him and about this coworker. He also has a responsibility to clear up any misconceptions.

I could go on but I think I gave you an earful already. Write back if there is more information to shed on this situation.

-Dr. Mac

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Caught in the middle!

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

I am software developer for a large company. A year ago I was given the responsibility of taking over a new system. What’s more, a technical specialist has been assigned to help me learn the system. That’s the good news. The bad news is that, although he’s been helpful, he is rather controlling. In fact, he’s not even involving me anymore, but instead telling me what to do on a daily basis. Needless to say, this wasn’t how it was suppose to work. To make matters worse, during my performance review, my supervisor tells me I am relying on the tech specialist to do my work and wants me to get involved more. Go figure.

Dr. Mac, I am a very hard worker and I always do my job well and meet the deadline. In this situation, I am in the middle, the supervisor wants me to get involve; where the tech specialist does not want me to get involve. I do not want to make either of them angry. I feel stressed all the time by standing in the middle. What should I do?

-Ha

Hi Ha,

Step 1 would be to make sure the tech specialist is aware of your desire to be more involved and to take on more responsibility. Ask him what you need to do to get more involved.

Hopefully Step 1 would be successful and you won’t need Step 2. But, should the tech specialist refuse to involve you, despite knowing that your supervisor believes you need to be more involved, then you need to request a meeting between the three of you where the goal would be to get everyone on the same page regarding your level of responsibility. At that point the discussion would primarily be between your supervisor and the tech specialist. Nevertheless, I would fully expect that a collaborative agreement would be reached.

-Dr. Mac

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Wrong peer chosen for promotion

Saturday, January 24th, 2009

Dear Dr. Mac,

I have been an employee at a large corporation for almost 25 years. I work in one of their satellite offices and the main facility is located in the MidWest. We are a foreign owned company and as long as I have worked here they have sent people overseas to be the managers for this office. With the economic down turn they have decided to send the person on overseas assignment back home and have their first American manager.

As someone who has worked in this office since the beginning of time, who went back to school for a Masters in Environmental Management, someone who managed a facility in Arizona for 2 years, one who has done the duties of the manager since the beginning of time, and one who is constantly bringing new initiatives to management for the betterment of our company, I think I would have been the best choice to be manager for this office but was told I couldn’t be considered because I am not an engineer. Can’t argue with that……or can I? Could it be that I am not a man? Can’t prove that at all but the thought has crossed my mind in this chauvinistic company.

The person who they have pegged for the position has worked in this office for 12 years and in that time he has only done the job of a technician. He has never done anything outside of his job to improve his position or our company’s product. He has been caught with pornography on his computer, he makes up data instead of actually doing the work to generate the data, and he has been slack in doing his daily routine job. On top of all this, he is a habitual liar at work and in his personal life.

Since our current manager told him he would be the next manager he looks like he has stepped up to the plate although I doubt that he can keep it up for long. Whenever the manager is out of the office he leaves early. He has always done this but now he sends out an email saying he has a dentist appointment that he forgot about, or some other lame excuse. It boggles my mind that management can’t see how he is but then people only see what they want to see.

Here are my questions:

1. Do I have a case against them for not considering me for management?

2. Management from our home office will be coming to Denver next week and they want to talk to us about the future of this office. Would it be wise or would it be absolutely insane to come out and speak up about the person they want to move up to management. I have already called them and told them I was very concerned with their choice and how that may affect the integrity of this office, but I didn’t not go into detail. They will probably ask me for more details in the one-on-one meeting next week. What should I tell them?

3. Is it appropriate to tell them that his personal life is not good, that he has been unfaithful in both his marriages and uses work as a coverup for his affairs? This to me is a reflection of his character and morals which I think overflows into the workplace.

4. Should I just shut up and let the chips fall as they may and just hold on for another 2 years until early retirement?

Your help would be GREATLY appreciated, Dr. Mac.

“Liar Hater”

Dear Liar Hater,

I probably have more questions than answers for you but I’ll give your inquiry my best shot.

Do you have a case against your company for not being considered for the management job? It depends. Have you previously sat down with your manager and expressed interest in being promoted and/or moving up the company ladder? Have you had a heart-to-heart with your manager regarding your aspirations? Have you asked your manager for his support in your efforts to advance? And, has he agreed to do whatever he can to help you in that regard? I ask because if you have not put your intentions out there about your desire to move into management with the right people, including your manager (as well as the home office), your company may have passed you up unintentionally.

Regarding the hiring process itself, was the position posted? How did people hear about the opening and was there more than one candidate? Or, was the person who got the job hand picked without any competition for the position all together? If the person was selected without an opportunity for anyone inside the company or outside the company to apply for it, then there may be a problem with that decision. If that was the case, did you contact HR to find out why the position was not posted and what did they say?

Regarding talking to the home office next week, my advice would be to go ahead and express your concerns again, but be prepared to back them up with work-related examples. I would stay away from any personal attacks unless you have undisputed factual information that others will back up. Even then, it is always a risk to go in that direction. If you want to come across as a management candidate, be diplomatic and don’t get into the nitty-gritty details. Remember, you will have to work with this person for at least the next two years, regardless what happens. If you don’t care how you come across, I’d still suggest diplomacy for the same reason.

My final thought is this. If you want to be considered for management the next go-around, then go the high road and begin networking within the company and making your intentions known. This includes supporting the new manager and getting on his good side. Also know that if he is as bad as he seems, he’ll step on a landmine in no time and probably sabotage himself, allowing you to possibly step in. If, however, you don’t care about a future management position, then I’d still suggest you share your reservations with the choice and frustrations with the process and then let it go and get on board. Why make your last two years (or more) stressful if it doesn’t have to be.

Dr. Mac

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Copycat

Friday, January 23rd, 2009

Hi Dr Mac,

I’m 15 and work in an office with a girl who is 21. We have become friends over the three months I have been working with her. The only thing that is starting to bother me is that she copies everything I do.

She started with colouring her hair dark and buying extensions so her hair is now long and dark like mine. Then she bought fake spectacles at a drugstore after commenting on how good I look when I wear my reading glasses. She has bought the same clothes and shoes that I have. The other day when I was in her bedroom I noticed she has bought the same perfume that I wear.

I feel like I have a clone following me around and it’s embarrassing and awkward. I want to be able to be myself but I feel like I can’t because this girl is always copying me and trying to be like me. I don’t know what to do.

Thanks in advance

Astrid

Hi Astrid.

What you want to start doing is acknowledging the unique things about her that make her special. Comment on her dress one day and how the colors bring out her eyes. Tell her how you appreciate the fact that she manages stress so well and how you wish you could be more like that…in other words, by recognizing and reinforcing what she does and has that is different from you, she should begin to appreciate those things in herself a little more and slowly stop trying to emulate you on all fronts.

If this doesn’t work, then you may have to be more direct and bring it up to her. You don’t have to be mean but could say something like, “What I like about you is your uniqueness. Don’t lose that! Sometimes I get the feeling that you are trying to be more like me. That would be weird for me. Be yourself…”

Let me know what happens and we can go from there.

-Dr. Mac

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Coworker trying to take over my project

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

Dr. Mac,

I have been involved for several months in a start up adjunct to the company I have been with for 15 years. About 2 months ago, the company chose a new person with far less seniority in the company, to be my 2nd. We are equal in the workplace, but they want me to share my knowledge so she can back me up if I am away. My problem is she wants my job! She has made very clear she is most interested in doing exactly what I do, and has discredited my knowledge to my bosses, and sucked up to my superiors….the most direct of which knows her from prior experience. She is good at what she does, I don’t feel she needs to discredit me to show her skill level, except to try take over my job. Now that I am going to have to work closely with her, I am very nervous. I don’t want her to keep trying to make me look bad, so that I get taken off the project! Our bosses seem to be accepting this as evidence of their good choice in her, but she is annoying a number of us, and I don’t know how to deal with her personally, now that I starting to get really mad. -Susan

Hi Susan.

If this woman discredits you and you find out about it, then by all means confront her on it. This will send a message that you will only put up with so much before taking a stand.

I think you should only worry about yourself in all of this and not this coworker. Eventually she will hang herself with her over-ambition and inability to be a true team player. If you get too caught up in her dysfunctional dynamics, you become part of the problem and it won’t make you look like the “bigger” person. And don’t worry about your bosses, they will come around and see through this.

-Dr. Mac

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Archive for the ‘Problem with a peer’ Category

Immature co-worker

We don’t “click” at work

Nasty coworkers

Incompetent Peer

I published a controversal article

Is this fair!

Caught in the middle!

Wrong peer chosen for promotion

Copycat

Coworker trying to take over my project

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