What I didn’t see in your letter was what the issues your boss and coworkers are having with you. You mentioned that you’ve made some mistakes, including one mistake that lead to an informal warning. It sounds like you have contributed to some of these problems you are having, am I right?

You certainly can go to HR for “advice and coaching”. I mention this because you never want to go just with complaints. By asking for guidance, it shows that you want to be part of the solution. Given that, my guess is that they will ask you if you’ve brought your concerns to your supervisor? After all, your boss deserves the opportunity to address your concerns before you go over his head to HR.

So, have you brought your concerns about him and your coworkers to him?

Clearly, improving your relationship with your boss is critical, especially since you already have an “informal” warning on file from him. I suggest that you initiate a conversation with him (maybe even over coffee at a nearby coffee shop just to get away from the work space) where you can do two things:

First, let him know that you’d like to turn things around and improve your ways. In doing so, ask him for any additional feedback/suggestions he has that can help you improve as both an employee and as a coworker. This will show that you are sincere in improving your performance. Take whatever advice he gives you and be sure to work on improving in those areas.

Secondly, tell him what you need more of or less of from him in order to better perform at your job. Let him know why it is important to get the support you need from him. By doing this, you get him to commit to you as well, making your progress more of a partnership. What I would not suggest doing at this point is being critical of his past performance. If that conversation is still important to you to have with him, you’d be better off waiting until you are on more solid ground.

In regards to your coworkers, bring your professionalism and mutual respect to work and stay away from engaging in game-playing, talking behind coworkers’ back, and negative chit-chat. In other words, disengage a little from them socially while always be willing to help and support them on work-related projects. You become less of a target if stay professional and maintain your space from them. Is this something you think you can do?

I would also suggest that you stop whatever behavior that is causing problems for any of your coworkers. You are at a place where you need to improve your relationships in order to get back in good graces at your company. Turn the other cheek if you must, but stay away from office politics and any inappropriate behavior. And yes, I understand that your coworkers are participating in inappropriate behavior, but it is not serving you to get involved with all of that.

Hosanna, write again if you’d like to get into specifics about dealing with your coworkers. But first take care of your primary work relationship, with is with your boss.

Why do you think your boss is disallowing office chit-chat? Has there been reason in the past for him to take such a strong stance, or is he simply over-controlling and distrustful? I ask because his behavior does seem a bit extreme and I’m wondering if something caused this?

In regards to the legal question, there’s a big difference between what is illegal and what is just plain unfair. The fact that your boss treats ALL employees similarly, equally good or equally bad, usually does not give rise to a discrimination case. It just means you have a bad, and perhaps paranoid, boss. I do have one consideration for you, where your boss may be overstepping the bounds of lawful behavior: The National Labor Relations Act, a federal law that covers unionized and non-unionized private workplaces, and many states’ laws, make it unlawful to curb employees’ right to engage in “protected concerted activity.” While a boss may keep employees from discussions that distract from work being done, a boss generally cannot limit an employee’s ability to discuss the terms and conditions of work, e.g., salary, benefits, safety issues, in non-working time. In other words, employees have the right to gripe on their own time (during breaks, at lunch, and after work). What this means for you and your fellow employees is that your boss cannot disallow socialization and discussions regarding the conditions of work during your breaks and at lunch, but he can do it while you are working, as sad as that may be.

With that said, such demands on the part of your boss can create an unfavorable work environment for everyone and eventually lead to low morale, a lack of motivation, and bad attitudes amongst the workforce; all factors that will end up hurting your boss in the long run. Hopefully he will come to this conclusion on his own, but don’t count on it.

My first suggestion would be for the group to raise this concern to your boss at the next staff meeting. I mention this because he needs to have the opportunity to hear the concerns and reply to them before you do anything else. Who knows, you might even get lucky and be able to convince him to lighten up on the chit-chat restriction.

If he is not open to changing his ways and/or negotiating with you and your coworkers (i.e., in return for lightening up on the chit-chat restrictions, each of you will promise to be productive, efficient, and get all of your work done in a timely manner, etc.), then let him know that you intend to escalate this issue to his supervisor and/or HR. By telling him your intentions, you show him that you mean business. Of course, before you do this, you’d want to decide as a group if this issue is truly disturbing enough that you’d be willing to take it to his boss and/or HR? If it is, then you know what to do. But, if it is more of an annoyance than anything else, you may want to still bring it up as a group to him but not push it if he is resistant to the feedback. To me, you have to choose your battles and this may not be one of them. Your call. Beginning December 4th, you can call the Ask Dr. Mac talk radio show with any other concerns by going to www.latalkradio.com.

Although I did have a hard time understanding your letter, let me toss out a few thoughts anyway.

Did you sign a “no compete” agreement when you took your first insurance job or anytime while you were working there? If you did, then your former company may be able to go after you. If you didn’t, then they are probably trying to scare you for some reason but don’t have a legal right to threaten you about stealing clients. Either way, I suggest you talk to an attorney to make sure you are okay.

Secondly, it might not be a bad idea to have an attorney write a letter to your former boss asking him/her to leave you alone. Since it sounds like you may have been in a harassing environment, there may be some grounds for you to fight back. Since I’m not an attorney, you will want to talk with one. It is unfortunate how you were treated at your last job. Don’t give up. You should never have to stand for any inappropriate or unprofessional behavior! Let me know how it turns out.

-Dr. Mac