Dealing with bosses and coworkers
Dr. Mac,
I have a boss who has been lying to me for 2 years now. They have all been little lies but, This last one really hit me, and it is hard to confront. She is really mean and she takes the power of being a manger has gone to her head. I have gone to her boss but he don’t care how she treats us. I am afraid to go higher because some one lets them know who did it, and when the big bosses are coming so get them. What should I do????
-Julie
Dear Julie, What I didn’t hear in your story is if you’ve taken your concern directly to your supervisor or not. If you have not said anything to her directly about the lying, or perceived lying, you will have actually reinforced the dysfunctional behavior. This happens because people who do not get feedback on their behavior tend to assume their behavior (in this case, lying) must be acceptable or else someone would say something. Hence, if you have not brought this up to her, that would be the first step. If you need to know how exactly to bring up something like lying, let me know and we can discuss it.
If her boss doesn’t care how your supervisor treats you (which would be sad if that is really true), then I can see three options.
Option 1: Talking to your supervisor directly, as mentioned, is your best bet.
Option 2: Do your best at work and let go of worrying or thinking about the lying. You have to choose your battles and this may not be one of them.
Option 3: Begin applying for other jobs and eventually leave. I would suggest holding off on leaving until you feel you’ve tried everything you could possibly could do. Plus, given this economy, it would be better to already have a job before leaving this one.
Julie, if you do end up talking to your supervisor, I wouldn’t accuse her of lying. Instead, point out the contrary information and ask her if maybe you misunderstood her by accident. This gives her an out and will make her much less defensive and more willing to talk about it. However, if she feels like you are calling her a lier in any way, you will get her wrath and your relationship with her will be even worse than it is now. Not a place you want to be. I hope I’ve given you something to think about. Consider reading my article, “Eight Simple Rules to Resolving Conflict and Improving Relationships” on my website: www.askdrmac.com. It is free.
-Dr. Mac
