Coworker’s a jerk
Dear Dr. Mac:
I work with a guy who likes to notice what I do wrong and then will say loud enough for all to hear how I really should be doing my job. He continually corrects my work. If I try to say “I will do it this way” he will argue with me until I give in and do it his way. I give in just to shut him up. I am getting sick of this bully type approach. In fairness I believe he thinks he is being helpful and doing the right thing, but his tone of voice and attitude are way off. Would it be OK if I said, “Alright Ron, I will do that but calm down, relax” or words to that effect? I feel I need to make him aware of his style. And forget about pulling him aside to talk to him. He is a boorish type and it would be better if on the spot I said what I have to say. I just don’t want him to erupt. Thank you. -Stan
Hi Stan.
You are probably right when you say Ron has good intentions. My guess is that he feels like he’s making a worthwhile contribution to others, especially you, by helping out, even if his help is uninvited. And it really is the “uninvited” part that is bugging you the most, along with the occasional attitude that comes with his help. Am I on track here?
If it is easier for you to confront/provide feedback to Ron while he is in the midst of correcting something of yours, then by all means do it that way. The disadvantage is that you might be in a state of anger or frustration at that moment and your comments might be construed as an attack instead of open and honest feedback. Emotions can do that.
Personally, I’d suggest taking him on when there isn’t as much at stake (i.e., when you are at lunch or sitting around together) because emotions will be in check and you won’t have to begin by correcting his behavior. Either way, my advice would be to start your conversation by thanking him for looking after you and pointing out mistakes. I’d then follow that up with a request to hold off on the feedback/making corrections from this point on unless you specifically ask for his input. Let him know that this way you won’t have to rely on him as much and, as a result, can begin to learn all these things on your own. Be sure to thank him again one more time for going out of his way to help you and assure him you’ll be coming to him with further questions.
Stan, you could have this same conversation in the heat of the moment when Ron is correcting you for something. But as I mentioned, if you are riled up, you message won’t be as clear. Your call.
-Dr. Mac
