Undermining, horrible female manager
Hello there, I started at a new company prior to the new manager being hired. I was and still am doing well. Unfortunately, I had an incident with my new manager recently. I brought a concern to her (a business user was not helping me) and oddly enough she took me to Human Resources and tried to claim that I exerted a behaviour that was not professional - which is totally unjustified as I can’t have such false rumors being spread. The way in which she took me to the meeting… was cunning…she said that we needed to catch up and we’ll go to a room downstairs…next thing I know she brigs HR into it. I called her bluff right in front of HR and said “do you not like me?” She didn’t know how to react (as I suspect she feels threatened by me as I’m doing a good job). Now I have to sit next to this horrible human being who in my eyes is a failure of a manager…she has even slammed her previous company. How do I handle this person (unfortunately all female managers I’ve had are clueless and too caught up in emotion) rather than fact and getting the job done.
-Tom
Hi Tom. Thanks for writing.
You mentioned twice in your letter that you felt you were doing a “good job.” In the workplace, there are two primary factors that ultimately determine if an employee is doing a “good job” or not. They are:
1. Your ability to get your work done in a timely manner and with excellence, and
2. Your ability to “play well” with others, especially your manager.
Tom, from what I can tell from your letter, you seem to be excelling at #1. However, I’m not getting the impression that you are excelling at #2. In fact, I’m guessing that the reason you were pulled into a meeting with HR and your supervisor was because of #2. If that is true, you’ve got some work to do.
Some thoughts: First, let go of the anger. I’m basing this on the words you used, like “hung,” “shot,” “clueless,” and “caught up in emotion” (some words deleted from this letter). When someone uses words like these, it usually means they “feel” that way. Ironically, you mentioned that all female managers you’ve had were “caught up in emotion.” Don’t look now, but I think that applies to you as well.
Secondly, whether you like it or not, it is to your advantage to work out whatever needs to be worked out between you and your manager. Even if you have to bite your tongue from time to time, having an effective working relationship with your supervisor is always important.
Another incentive for you might be the fact that documentation of your behavior has already begun, as evident by your meeting with HR. What also was most likely noted in that documentation was your willingness to cooperate or not. I’m hoping you at least did that.
Tom, you need to sit down with your supervisor and have her spell out both productivity expectations and “how” the two of you can effectively work together. By spelling this out, you will know what you need to do to meet her expectations, thereby giving you a little more space and peace of mind at work. I can’t emphasize how important this is. If there is too much tension, then ask HR (and/or her supervisor) to sit in with you.
Lastly, always be professional in the office; and I’m especially talking about office chit-chat around the water cooler. Do not, under any circumstance, say negative or critical things about your manager in the office at any time. You need to go the high road here. If you can do that, plus define the expectations with your manager, you should be fine over time. It might be painful at first, but in the long run it will be worth it. I’m assuming you wanted honest and direct feedback, correct?
-Dr. Mac
