I’ve been thinking about your book, Ask Dr. Mac, and wanting to re-read it now as I am beginning to plant roots at my new company. I have been really struggling with one of my colleagues. Shes the only one I work with directly and technically we should be working together, but I find her 1) retarded and under-qualified and 2) uncooperative and sneaky. I haven’t said that to her face…yet. Jokes aside, I have been really focusing on changing my perception of her and only thinking positive thoughts about her and trying to ask her opinion on my work, and gain her trust. But its been a real challenge. Any tips?
-Kate
Hey Kate.
Good to hear from you.
Regarding your co-worker, there are probably a few steps (what I call working relationship levels) that can be attained (over time) together with her. Step 1 is knowing exactly what you need from her in order to do your job effectively. These are essentially non-negotiable since your job depends on getting these things from her; and I’m talking about tangibles like a report, weekly stats, or other kind of information. The non-tangibles come in to play at step 2.
So the question to you is, what tangibles do you need from her each week and are you getting them in a timely fashion? If not, your initial focus needs to be on getting those tangibles met. Hence, your conversation (albeit diplomatic) would need to be around asking for what you need, why you need it, and how much you’d appreciate getting it in a timely fashion…followed with a “and what I can do to help you would be…” (or something to that effect).
Once you have the critical functions of your job being met (in regards to what you need from this coworker), you can then move to the relationship part (Step 2). I’ll wait to go there until I know from you if that would be helpful.
Step 3 would probably be collaborative efforts that produce win-wins for both of you.
Let me know if you’ve already reached Step 1 or when you reach it so that we can talk about Step 2.
-Dr. Mac
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