But does he like me?
Hi I like my co-worker. I have been working with him for about 2 months now. Every now and then he shows interests such as staring at me, talking to me on the side-lines. Although, the other day when I was talking to him about my horrible date with his friend, he told me he has a girlfriend. Should I try to pursue him? Do you think I have a chance or is it mere infatuation and one sided. He hasn’t told me that he likes me or complements me on anything like the others but my gut instincts says that he likes me and is too shy because I have dated his friend and he has a girlfriend. I plan on quitting my job because I have to focus all of my time in college. Although, I do not want to because I will miss being with him. Being with him at work makes me happy, all I think about is him. Since he is the only one holding me back from quitting my job… should I quit my job and focus all of my time and effort in college or should I stay in my job and continue staring at him even though nothing happens between us? I seriously need your help.. I feel like I am blinded by my feelings. Also, he asked me once why I do not want to get into relationships and I told him that it is because I have to focus on my studies.. but really the truth is I havn’t found the right guy and I feel like he is the right guy though, and he told me that I should live life to the fullest and be so up tight.. I seriously I do not know what to do. help! -Ann
Hi Ann and thanks for writing.
I’ll cut right to the chase. Yes, stick with your plan of pursuing your studies as a number one priority. You never want to let something so important take a back seat to something that is “iffy” at best, especially when it comes to infatuation with someone who is already dating someone else. From a logical standpoint, this is a no-brainer. And yes, I get that from an emotional standpoint, it is a little more grey.
Here’s another angle for you. Why can’t you still email, call, and stay in touch with this guy after you leave? I don’t see you losing an opportunity with him by leaving. In fact, you may be gaining an opportunity. For example, let’s just say that he dropped his girlfriend for you while you were still working with him. As nice as that sounds, dating a coworker brings on a whole new set of complications. Jealousy increases as each of you start noticing and watching each others’ actions with other coworkers; the two of you become the center for gossip amongst other coworkers, especially when you get into a fight, and some people may even begin to distrust you, assuming that what they tell you in confidence will automatically go right to him. My point is, you are ultimately bettering your chances for a relationship with this guy by not working with him.
Lastly, be careful about moving in on someone else’s guy. Stay in touch with him and focus on a friendship for now and leave it at that. If you actively pursue him while he is dating someone else, that may not be the best impression you want to bestow upon him right now…at least if you think he is a quality individual. Now, if you are just looking for a short-term fling, then maybe it doesn’t matter. If you are looking for Mr. Right, then you need to be Ms. Right, and that means letting his relationship with his girlfriend play out without any interference from you.
Hope that helps a bit.
-Dr. Mac
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