Needing Opinion
Dear Dr. Mac:
Please tell me your opinion. I’m working in a company. Well, not still working as I put down my papers last night and have firmly decided not to go back. The reason - my supervisor whom I felt spoke to me disrespectfully on more than one occasion in front of my colleagues. I could let it go the first time as anybody can make a mistake - speaking in a non-professional manner. e.g.,”just shut up”, “your damn….” etc. But it happened again & again. I could have confronted him about it but that would mean that our work relationship will be strained henceforth. I could have told his boss about it but I wasn’t sure that the matter would be kept confidential as it’s a small company and everyone knows each other very well. I decided to quit. Now my manager rushes to me and asks me again & again as to why I’ve left. He says he’s interested in me as a person & not an employee. Try as I might, I’ve no heart to explain to him about my concern. I’m not sure he can handle the truth due to his ego & temper. What could I’ve done in your opinion?
-I’m out of here Manoj
Dear I’m out of here Manoj:
It is frustrating to be treated the way you were treated by your supervisor. I can’t blame you for being so mad that you decided to quit. The good news is that you don’t have to take that kind of abuse anymore. The bad news is “you” paid the price for his poor management abilities instead of him. Truthfully, I wish you did say something to him. Supervisors who lack management skills typically only learn by making mistakes (which oftentimes is quite frequent). By not confronting him, he may not learn the necessary lesson he needs to learn. He may even think his behavior is fine since no one is saying anything. And his supervisor may even think he’s doing a good job since he also is not getting any complaints. Hence, you may have actually reinforced the dysfunction by not saying anything. My advice (for the future) would be to make quitting a job your ultimate last resort to a difficult situation instead of your first resort. And before even considering quitting, take some active steps to address the situation. Then, and only then, consider leaving if that doesn’t work. Lastly, know that you never have to put up with abusive behavior. Practice standing up for yourself and drawing the line in the sand as to what is and is not appropriate when it comes to how someone treats you. And I’m not just talking about the workplace here. Bosses who are bullies will back down if they realize an employee will stand up to their bullying behavior. Its when people back down that these bullies think their behavior works. Chalk this up as a lesson learned and be prepared to say something to the next bully that comes around. There are diplomatic ways to ask supervisors to change their behavior that won’t put you in a vulnerable position; another conversation for another time. Hope that helps a bit.
-Dr. Mac

